He's not a little baby anymore

I mean, of course he isn't.  He's a five year old boy, as he reminds me several times a day.  And I've got an actual baby.  It's not even like he's my youngest and I can be forgiven for still thinking of him as a baby.  But somehow, I still kind of did.

Sam's extremely shy in most situations, and still seems so young to me.   He still sleeps with Marc or I most nights, still hides behind my legs in pretty much every social situation.  He wakes up every morning and trudges into the living room and curls up in my lap. He tells me before he pees, and has to be prompted to put his underwear on, and most of the time, he puts it on backwards.  Okay, I admit it, I still think of him as my little boy.  I didn't realize how big he'd somehow gotten when I wasn't looking.

I went into for his five year physical this afternoon.  My pediatrician (God, I love that woman) is the only person I know who actually agreed with Marc and I when we pulled him out of preschool at the beginning of last year.  She said that there's a world of difference between a four year old and a five year old, and while we could have forced it, and he would have adjusted eventually, by giving him that extra year at home, it would be so much easier for him now.  And he was BIG.  He participated happily in the hearing and vision test (and to understand how remarkable that was - we had tried it at his last physical and he screamed thru the whole thing - forget answering questions, he was straight up horrified that a STRANGER was talking to him).  He talked to the nurse, answered questions, and talked.  Just like a big boy.

It was just sort of surreal.  He's always been my baby - and now suddenly he's a big kid and I feel a little wistful and a little bit, just a tiny bit, sad.  I'm not ready for a big kid.  Not two big kids.  Isn't it bad enough that I had to let Jessica grow up?  I'm kidding.  Kind of.  But the facts are that in a month and a half, I'm going to have TWO kids in school, and I'm getting a little bit choked up just thinking about it.  No Sammy next me all the time?  It was so hard adjusting to Jessica in school - and I naively thought that it would be easier with the other two.  But no - dramatic sigh - it's just as hard to adjust to the fact that your second child is suddenly a big boy as it was to realize that your first little baby was suddenly old enough to go out into the world without you.

I'm going to need a LOT of chocolate on the Tuesday after Labor Day.  And tissues.