I hesitate to blog about this, simply because my mind is really avoiding going there, but the facts are that yesterday, we came within in minutes of Sam drowning. We were at a lake in one of the surrounding towns (don't know which one, because I wasn't driving). There was no lifeguard, but it was a quiet little pond. There were two beaches, separated by a bridge. I'm crap at estimating, but I'd guess fifty feet wide. Maybe a hundred? It wasn't big. And we were there with a bunch of other families, and there were lots of little kids running around.
Sam and his buddy Harrison had gone across the bridge (with permission) and were playing on the opposite side from where we were sitting. I was watching them, and they were wading in the water, throwing mud at each other. It was idyllic, all these kids running and playing. I looked away for just a minute. I was checking the girls or talking to someone, I don't even remember, I just know that I had been watching and then I wasn't. In that period of time, Sam went too far in and lost his footing and started to flounder in the water.
Someone pulled him out, and I didn't see him struggling in the water, I just saw her pull him out. So I didn't have that moment of realizing that he might die, I had the moment of realizing that he almost had. And I'll never be able to not know that now. I've never come that close before and as I type, I'm crying all over again. Because it happened so fast, and so without warning. And in that moment, I could have lost him. I could have lost him, and I can't even wrap my mind around that.
I just know that I'll never, never, never go swimming anywhere without a zillion lifeguards again. I'll never, never, never let myself relax when my kids are near water. I'm going to do my best to not terrify them, Sam was okay, and eventually even asked if he could go back down and play in the water. I don't want to scar him and make him afraid - but I'll never be not terrified of taking kids to the water again.
I'm posting this week on the hangout grid at www.yeahwrite.me - it's a great place to discover new blogs.