If you'd asked me if I wanted to have daughters or sons ten years ago, I'd have said daughters. All the way. I come from a super female dominated family, and I'm extremely close to my own mother. I knew what to do with daughters - and wasn't sure I'd know what to do with a son. Fast forward to the day five years ago, when Marc gleefully hollered "It's a BOY!" and I held him in my arms for the first time.
I still am baffled and confused by a lot of Sam. Superheros, guns, firemen and zombies - all of these are things I've become achingly familiar with, and am stunned at how incredibly easy it is to adapt to all things boy. He's one of the loves of my life - and I can't imagine my life without my precious boy.
From the beginning, Sam has awed and amazed me with his amazing strength of will and capacity to love. His love is so pure and so sweet. He was born with separation anxiety, from the very beginning, he knew his rightful place was in my arms and he hollered and yelled anytime he wasn't there. He realized when he was about six or seven months old that he had a father, that strange pair of arms that held him were attached to a really cool guy, and just fell in love. He's had an enormous hero attachment to his daddy ever since.
Sam is shy in many ways, very reserved and would always, always rather stay home. Unless we're going to Chuck E Cheese. But trips to Grammy's, heading to his friend's house to play, out to Walmart - given the choice, he'd rather stay home and chill out. He's passionately attached to just about everything, getting rid of clothes he's outgrown is an exercise in stealth. He's smart and funny and the best big brother in the world. He's also the best little brother.
Sometimes I thought he had a playbook of how to go about being a little brother, because he so perfectly seemed to do all of the stereotypical little brother things. But he loves his big sisters, and is never happier than when they're playing with him. And Julianna simply worships him.
I'm so glad that I was wrong - that I didn't just have daughters. Because Sam has added so much joy and so much love - having a son is one of the biggest surprises in my life and I can't imagine what it would be like without him.
I love you so much Sammy. Happy, happy birthday - watching you grow up and being your mother is one of the joys that I'll never ever take for granted.