Thursday, May 13, 2010

SEriously - remind me that I WANT to breastfeed this child

Because really - I DO. I do, I swear. The formula constipates her, gave her horrible gas. I love nursing. I'm not seriously thinking about giving up, but it's crossed my mind a couple of times (couple being a bit of an understatement). My left breast is super sore and now bleeding. I checked with some of my internet nursing buddies (thanks again JoEllen for the advice) and am hoping to work my way thru it, but nursing has been so much more of a battle this time around.

With Jess, she just latched on and went. Sometimes she'd fight the breast, but I could trick her with the pacifier and then whip it out and latch her on to get her to feed. It wasn't a problem with her. We had thrush, but it was just a little blip, no big deal. And she nursed great until she was about eight months.

With Sam - he was just a nursing champ right from the beginning. Always latched on, always nursed great. The first time he slept thru the night, I got mastitis, but it cleared up fast. I had a blocked duct once too, and thrush. But they both cleared up quickly, and my biggest problem with him was oversupply because he nursed so consistently that I was making oceans more milk than he needed.

With Julianna - I feel like it's one battle after another. No sooner did I get her nursing than we get thrush and this time, it's so incredibly painful and I'm afraid that I'm going to end up with mastitis because I'm scared to nurse her again on the bleeding nipple.

It's a good thing she's so gorgeous and wonderful and sweet and I'm achingly in love with her. Because breast milk is best, and I want that for her and for me. I'm not missing out on this with her - she's my last little baby. We're GOING to have a successful nursing relationship - even if it makes me crazy getting there.


Queen Bee said...

you will get over this hump, i promise!

i was SO tempted to quit in those early days with Logan. it was too overwhelming to think about nursing goals; i dreaded every single feeding. and then i quit thinking about and just bit my lip in pain and muddled through. it took us a few, err, 6 weeks to find our groove (and for my vasospasms to subside) and then it was cake.

you will get there. it sucks right now yes, but you will get through to the other side and this will be a distant memory.

Jessie said...

I hope you don't mind me popping in here, you commented on my blog a few weeks ago, and I've been following you off and on since then.

I just wanted to say, as one who has cracked and bled with each of my 3 girls, it will get better. I always tell people if they can last the first 3 weeks, they can breastfeed pretty much forever. If your body is seriously hurting from it, I would recommend pumping for a bit to get your breasts toughened up. The pump is nice because it's consistent, unlike a baby who may or may not empty you every time, and it always latches correctly, also unlike a baby. I would guess your hospital would have some available to rent out, if you don't have one. Once your breasts have had a chance to heal, you can go back to nursing again. That being said, I know you've been dealing with nipple confusion, too, so you have to do what you think is best. I remember all too well the days of dreading nursing, for fear of the pain it caused me. Yet here I am, with my 14 week old baby, doing just great. It just takes time. If it's really important to you, you will make it work. I have faith in you. :)

The only other thing I wonder about is how frequently you're nursing--I know you said you were nursing like every hour and a half, maybe every two hours--if you could get Julianna to go a little longer in between feedings--that'd get your body to calm down on the production, and would give it more time to heal. Babies don't need to eat quite that often, but if that is their comfort, you'd have to find a good replacement to hold them off.

Good luck, I hope that wasn't too nosy of me to jump in here. :)

Heather said...

I feel bad for you! During the first two months with DJ I had several bouts of mastitis, and I remember just dreading the let-down, and if he bumped my breast ever-so-slightly the pain made me want to cry. But like you, I'm so committed to nursing him, because I loved nursing my girls, and he's my last baby. I'm happy to say that now, at 14 weeks, we're doing great, and you will be too. You'll make it through these trials. I believe in you!

Melissa said...

Thanks for all the encouragement - it's definitely a huge help. The original latch on is still so painful - but really, compared to where we were two weeks ago, the fact that she's nursing at all is a huge improvement.