The annual freak out over Christmas vs. Hanukkah. And again - I end up being frustrated that it's so hard for Marc to feel okay about celebrating Christmas. It's unfair of me, I know that. I totally know that. Because as he points out - he celebrates right along with me, and doesn't show the kids that it's an issue for him. He's doing everything right, but inside, I know it's hard for him and I feel guilty and resentful because it's hard for him. I was reading over the past December entries on this blog (how lovely to have documentation of how I felt in years gone by) and yeah - we go thru this EVERY SINGLE YEAR.
It's pretty lights and Santa Claus and candy canes for me. It's peace on earth, joy to the world and goodwill towards men. It's family and presents and fun. And I think my kids deserve that. I think I would be depriving them of something wonderful if I said that because we are Jewish, we don't get to celebrate Christmas. I think I would start to resent Judaism if it meant that I couldn't be who I am - because I'm a girl who loves her some Christmas music. I'm a big fan of holiday lights, I get giddy when it's time to decorate the tree. This doesn't conflict with my Jewish identity. But it does very much conflict with Marc's, and that's hard for me. Hard for him, obviously - but hard for me because I'm making him do it. Because I want him to convert to the Church of Melissa - which includes membership at a synagogue, celebration of all Jewish holidays, observation of Shabbat, a sneaking suspicion that fairies do exist, colored eggs and chocolate at Easter and yes, candy canes, Christmas carols and presents on 12/25.