I sometimes wonder if I'm tempting fate... like everything is so peaceful and relaxed, I must be gearing up for some horrible tragedy. Or maybe it's just that my earlier years were so tumultuous, between the divorce and all the unpleasant aftermath, then Scott and the drama and crisises that seemed to accompany his life, maybe on some universal scale, I've earned the calm satisfaction of my life now.
I really value my life - the calmness, the peace. The utter contentment. Sam's asleep on my bed, with the air conditioners humming along nicely. Marc and Jessica are out grocery shopping for the week, and I'm puttering in Jessie's room, restoring it to cleanliness after the girls rearranged everything yesterday (why, why do they do that??). Beck's coming out to watch the cherubs while Marc and I go to the dance recital this afternoon, then we're having pizza for dinner. It's just so.... peaceful.
I have no real problems. Not enough money, of course, but even that's getting easier, we struggle now with paying for non-essentials - we can afford a roof over our heads, food for the table. There was a time, in the not so distant past, when that was really a struggle. My marriage is, as it's always been, incredibly good. I love Marc, he's my best friend, and I know that he loves and trusts me above all else. My kids are wonderful, healthy, smart, happy. I have a life that I love, where I feel satisfied and useful and happy. Sure, there are little dramas all the time, Jessie's temper tantrums, Sam's incessant nursing (will it ever end??), Marc dancing off to the gym or to play with the guys, the car needs work and we can't afford to get it done, etc. But overall, things are great now. Really, really great.
I'm having a wonderful weekend.