I know it's just hormones

AT least intellectually, I do. Emotionally, I'm convinced my entire family is conspiring to make my life miserable. Sammy starts every morning crying. Every damn morning. And it's sucky. Then Jessie jumps in, and then Marc starts off on one of his tirades about homeopathy... I'm just sick of everyone. They're all crappy to me in the mornings. I just like a little coffee, a little friendliness, and why is that so damn hard?????

I'm so stressed about this stupid wedding - I've got all kinds of committments and obligations and I'm afraid that Sam is going to cry himself sick while I'm off being the maid of honor. I wish so much that Becky would let me bring my boy - it would make my life a thousand times easier. And as much as I know and accept that she's the bride and we do it her way - man, it sucks.

Just not having a damn good day. And it's barely nine o'clock.

Okay - let's pull it together. So your kids wake up crying... it doesn't last long, and their overall temperment is lovely. It's five minutes or so of crabbing. Could be worse, right? He could be still in the grips of colic - I handled that with grace. I can handle morning grouchiness. And Marc is an intellectual snob, he's also somewhat dead of wonder. There's nothing surprising or beyond his comprehension - he's so smart, it's okay that he believes that he knows everything. He knows almost everything, so I'll forgive him for being such a jerk. Rescue Remedy works - and if it helps my boy, then that's good for me. Marc doesn't have to agree, Sam's crying isn't going to hurt him nearly as much as it's going to hurt me, so his opinion doesn't matter as much.
(Jessie just started crying, so trying to talk myself into a cheery mood is getting a little more difficult).

I'm a bright woman, I have a lovely husband, who might be an intellectual snob and kind of a jerk about it sometimes, but is still a lovely man. I have two gorgeous children, who might be a bit emotional and dramatic at times, but they are both healthy, and a weekend without me won't do any physical harm to them. I'll get thru it.

No better way to start the morning than a sink full of dishes

One of my pet peeves are stacked dirty dishes. If you're going to touch them to stack them - freaking wash them! I had every single cup dirty. EVERY SINGLE CUP. I have a legendary amount of cups, seriously, and they were all in my sink. Worse, they were in a ginormous soup pot that was so big I couldn't actually do any dishes without taking everything out of the sink, washing the pot, putting everything back in and then washing the rest of them.

Plus my house looks like a bomb hit it. That's right, I was out all weekend again. When I'm not here, the whole system falls apart. It saddens me to admit it, I can't help but think it's a failure on my part to not instill basic 'pick up after your damn selves' into my husband and children - but every room in my house is trashed. Every single room. I'm horrified...

Bad Mommy Moments

Threw the phone today and broke it into three different pieces. But all in all, I felt it was a better alternative to throwing my daughter, which was what I actually wanted to do. My tiny angel girl screamed like a lunatic the entire way home from Price Chopper. That's a really long way to be pushing a double stroller with twenty five pounds of Sammy (happy as can be - how can he ignore that screaming?) and forty five pounds of fury filled Jessica Mary. I bought them bottle pops, and then had the supreme stupidity to show them that there was powdered candy inside the bottle, which inevitably spilled... hence, tears. Tears I can deal with, I'm an emotional girl, it was the fact that she whipped the tears into a fury laced hysteria that actually had people slowing down to glare at me as they drove past.

She did eventually calm down, after I got her inside, made her apologize to Sam and I for ruining our walk, went thru Temper Tantrum II, which only concluded when I threw the phone across the room, stormed into the living room, grabbed her ankles, which she was pounding on the floor, and hauled her upside down. I told her if she didn't knock it off, I was going to cut her feet off. Then I ordered into her room and left her there for a half hour. She actually calmed herself down and played quietly for a while. I peeked in there, hoping that she'd fallen asleep, but she was on the floor playing with her doll house.

Everyone is irritating me, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's actually me. Possibly - it could be PMS. But I have a strong suspicion that it's everyone else. For example, my husband who's religious ferver is making me nuts, or my mother who's just crabby, or my daughter who's the aforementioned emotional lunatic. I'm perfectly happy, if everyone would just stop bugging me. I like Sam. He's a chipper guy - grubby as hell, but cheerful about it. Nothing bothers him - for example right now, he's covered in dirt and grime and probably got a messy diaper, but he's cool as a cucumber, smiling and content. He's my boy. Now if everyone would just follow his lead....

Jessie's cast fell off today

Which baffled and confused me. It's a cast, isn't it supposed to stay on? I called the orthopedic surgeon and had Marc take her over immediately and now she's got a nice neon pink one welded to her wrist. She's actually adjusted really well to only having one hand - I'm surprised at how quickly she's adapted. I caught her yesterday trying to peel a banana with her mouth, holding the banana in one hand and tugging down the skin with her teeth. But that's Jessie, she's relatively self-sufficient. She rarely asks for help if there's a way she can do it on her own.

Many, many children today - I had Harrison, Julia, Jordyn and my two. And by the time everyone else left, I was pretty harried and stressed out. I packed them both into the double stroller and pushed them down to Elm Park. Granted Jessie was having a screaming temper tantrum - she screamed literally until we were a block away, which earned me several glares, a couple of sympathetic glances, and one guy who just looked scared. He was standing on his porch, holding an infant. And I told him to enjoy this time with his baby as I pushed my kids past, but can't say for sure if he heard me over the screams...

I bought the kids burgers. There, I've said it. I confess... Marc is really pushing us to keep kosher for Passover and it's bugging me. But I'm doing it, at least where the kids are concerned, but they don't like Passover food, and didn't eat any of the matzobrie that I made. So I got them burgers, and fed the buns to the fish and the turtle. Sam ate his bun, but it wasn't my intent, I gave it to him to toss into the water, but he's not stupid, he shoved it in his mouth :-). I would still celebrate Passover, and cook lots of matzoh oriented dinners, but I'd relax the rules, if I was the boss. Or if I was the only boss, I guess, because it's not that Marc is the one who makes all of the decisions, but I know this is important to him, so I'm really trying.

They're both asleep on the couch, and I'm reluctant to move them. Marc is off at the gym, and I'm sleepy and wishing that I could have showered.

Bright and beautiful Wednesday

And still in the midst of Passover - Marc really wanted to keep kosher for Passover this year, and I'm doing my best, at least where the kids are concerned. Presenting a united front and all... but I admit that I'm frustrated by it. The kids don't really like matzoh, and I'm flat out shocked by how dependent I obviously am on dry cereal. It's my standard snack, and the kids munch on it off and on all day. Without that, I'm left with fruit (which they will eat, but not with the same consistent enthusiasm) as a snack. I'm about to make bubbled up eggs for Jess, so at least she'll get something in her belly this morning. Passover is my favorite Jewish holiday, but ironically, the one with the worst food...

Just got back from taking the kids out for a walk - and it was not good. Three toddlers is one too many when you've only got a double stroller. I had one of them in the little harness, Sam for the first half of the walk and Harrison for the second. Sam fell several times, as did Harrison. Sammy actually skinned his little knees for the first time ever :-(

I think we'll be sticking with inside for a while - they just aren't steady enough on their feet for a serious walk...

Jessie broke her wrist

Just a hairline fracture, but still, she's got a little cast. So sad for her...

Good morning :-)

Having a lovely morning, over all. After the fiasco on Monday, Jessie, I think, learned her lesson and danced off to preschool pretty cheerfully. Monday - she threw an absolute fit, screaming, yelling and crying - she didn't want to go. Marc was livid, not only was she making him late for work, but he didn't want her to think that going to school was a choice she could make, it's a requirement. Not an option - you go. Not negotiable - however, when she's screaming and yelling, it did seem as though she was going to win. We couldn't drag her to school and leave her there frantic (although I'm pretty sure Marc wanted to). She ended up sitting on the living room couch for two and a half hours, no television and little to no interaction.

I'm queasy this morning - and was last night as well. Every time I'm a little queasy, I immediately assume I'm pregnant and then extrapolate out, figure out the due date, etc. Remind me again that the IUD has a 99% success rate, plus I'm still nursing, and it's way too early for me to be even feeling morning sickness... I recognize the craziness of it, but still do it anyway :-) I'm starting to think I'm ready for another baby - not really, not yet, but I can feel the stirrings of the desire. I still think Sam is too young, I'd rather wait another year and then start trying - but I'm starting to crave having a tiny baby of mine in my arms. Sam's babyhood was so rough - I'd like to do it again, partly because I've blocked out most of the first couple of months of Sammy. I just remember constant crying - today, Skip was talking about the scar on Jessie's forehead, and I remembered taking her in for stitches, and Sam was just screaming and crying... Purim last year, he was screaming and screaming. The Jewish holidays at Nan's - just having him cry and fuss the whole time... he's such an angel boy now, it's hard to reconcile the images of the lunatic crying machine with my earnest, happy-go-lucky little cherub :-)

Not too much going on today - many babies here today, so I'm stuck inside, mostly. I could take them out and play in the yard, or in the driveway, but can't reasonably take three toddlers to the park without another adult here to help. As grown up as my girl is - she's still only five, and doesn't really count as another chaperone ;-)

Speaking of grown up - JESSIE HAS HER FIRST OFFICIAL LOOSE TOOTH! Very excited about that, but nowhere near as thrilled as my girl is. She's been waiting for this for months, pretending that it was loose long before it actually was. But she had me check earlier, and it actually is loose. Can you believe it? When did she get that big?