Saturday, May 26, 2012

Daddy knows best

Sammy got teased yesterday. From what I can put together based on his account and the one from his Jordyn (who was over yesterday afternoon), he had tripped in gym class and cried because he was hurt, and two of the boys in his class called him a baby. The full story didn't come out until late last night, when he crawled up into my lap and burst into tears about what a horrible day he'd had. He was sitting on my lap, sobbing about these two kids calling him names and I'm doing my best to stifle the urge to go hunt them down. Because they are only five or six, and I don't want to go beat up a bunch of little kids, but was so hurt for him. Poor Sammy was so sad and embarrassed and I was at a loss as to how to handle it. 

I told him that sometimes kids could be mean, and was thinking in my head that this was such a teachable moment. And here it was, I had the chance to come up with the magic pep talk that would not only make him feel better, but also somehow impart the wisdom that would help him to never do that to another kid. I was floundering - because really, when your baby is crying because his feelings are hurt, he doesn't want to rise above it, and he doesn't want to hear about those boys must really feel bad about themselves to need to make him feel badly. And all I wanted to do was go find those kids who were mean to my boy and hurt them back, and that's not really wise (or possible).

So I look helplessly over at Marc - because he's a boy, or was, and maybe he's got some wisdom to impart as well. And he looked at our son, and said "Sam, it's no big deal - the next time someone calls you a baby, you just call them a bum bum sucker." It was so ridiculous and crude and so shocking to him, and such a different response from my whole "rise about it" pep talk. Sam immediately started laughing hysterically at the prospect of teasing the boys back. With one sentence, my husband was able to magically transform Sam from a sobbing victim into a strong, confident boy who couldn't be bullied. He gave him back his power.  Being called a baby wasn't such a big deal, not when he had such a cool insult in his back pocket to pull out if necessary.  He won't feel bad about himself next time, he won't feel like he's being teased and made fun of, he'll be able to respond and feel confident and secure. Of course, I'm not looking forward to the conversation with his teacher... but given the choice between having a kid who sticks up for himself, or one who internalizes the insults and feels awful, I'd rather have the awkward conversation with the teacher. 

I may be better at getting them to bed, and I'm better at getting them out the door on time, and snuggling when they're sick and a whole host of other things - but when it comes to dealing with bullies and teasing on the playground - my husband is the best. 



read to be read at yeahwrite.me

14 comments:

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Bum bum sucker IS an awesome comeback!

Vivian said...

So sweet that your husband turned that moment around.

carrie said...

Bahaha. bumbum sucker. Nice. I think you are right kids need to learn how to stick up for themselves and not to internalize all the BS that will be heaped upon them by bullies.

Shan said...

I love that, and it's so true. Sometimes a man's troubles (even a little man's) can only be solved with a man's perspective. Besides, I'm sure the teacher will have heard worse.

When my son was in Grade 1, there was a boy who would always try to trip him when he walked by. My husband told him that he should kick him if he did it again . Of course I protested and insisted that this was the wrong thing to do, but my husband told me, "You just don't understand how dynamics between boys work." I don't think my son ever did kick the boy, but I think that my husband's coaching was enough to make my son feel bolder with the boy and the tripping did stop.

Shan said...

Sometimes it takes a man to solve a man's problems.

Gia said...

Hahahhaha good for your husband! You'll have to update us on that talk with the teacher...

Vanessa said...

Having pretty much raised my children from birth as a single parent I've always said that there's a reason it takes two people to make a baby. That's because it takes two people to parent a child. You can manage in a single parent household. But in a two parent household one will always have just a slightly different perspective than the other, bringing balance to parenting. Plus, it just takes two people to keep up with them.

Kristin said...

I appreciate that you didn't just start out with calling it bullying. Being teased or being called a name is no fun, but it's worlds away from the repeated taunts or physical attacks of bullying.

I am also glad to see that humor was able to diffuse his sadness. I am not looking forward to next year when my son starts kindergarten - I anticipate lots of moments like this one you mention.

Delilah Love said...

That. Rocks.

I've had that awkward conversation with the teacher and I'd have it again a hundred times if it means my kid is not being bullied.

Robbie K said...

bum bum sucker is a new one on me...and quite amusing. Dad to the rescue!

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

It is so nice when your mate surprises you in the best way possible. Go Daddy! Ellen

Dawn Beronilla said...

That is fantastic! I just might add bum bum sucker to my list of things to tell my sons.
It's amazing how much a fart or poop joke will cheer up a boy. ;-)
I'm glad that in the end your little one felt better about the ordeal. Kids can be such jerks to each other.

Adrienne said...

Haha! This is so my house! Sometimes as moms (women) we feel like we have to explain everything in great detail. I have two boys, they tune me out, and would much rather have the whole bum bum sucker thing than any pep talk! :)

Dude of The House said...

I'm just curious how he came up with "Bum Bum Sucker". That's one I've definitely never heard before.