But I'm realizing that I blog when I'm happy - and when I'm really struggling emotionally, I'm not much in the mood to write about it.
So after having our feet kicked out from underneath us, and being basically evicted on three weeks notice, we were unable to find an apartment quickly enough. We met with a couple of landlords, and there was one or two that would have rented to us, but they weren't in great neighborhoods and the places we liked were reluctant to rent to us because Marc was still unemployed. So we ended up putting our stuff into storage, and are staying with our friends Sara and Arlen.
The good news (no, great news - because this really is great news, it's just that things seem so hard right now it's hard to focus on it), is that Marc started a fabulous new job on Monday, and apparently has an uber high credit score, so we can probably qualify for a no money down home loan and buy. We don't have any debt and have been living exceptionally frugally, and paying our bills on time pays off :-) But after talking to the loan officer, it looks like if we wait another six months, and then apply for a loan, we'd be in a much better position to qualify. So she recommended a tenant at will place for six months and then go for a house.
So that's our plan. And it's a good one, and I'm really trying to stay optimistic about it - but right now, I hate the fact that we aren't in our own place. This is really, really hard for me. Thank goodness for wonderful friends like Sara and Arlen, and my lovely new realtor, Annamarie, because she's talked me down off the ledge several times so far.
The kids are adjusting beautifully. Sam is doing great - really. I mean, I'd say, of the three of them, he's really doing the best so far. Jordyn is one of his best friends anyway - and this way, he's in a familiar setting, gets to sleep right next to me every night, and so far, I don't see any problems with him. Jessie is having a harder time - because there's no alone time for her, and no space for her to arrange her stuff. Jessie loves her stuff, and arranging her journal and stuffed animals is challenging because there's not a lot of space here. Julianna is doing... okay. She's adjusting fine to being here, it's missing her daddy that's hard for her. She's so not used to having him gone, and I feel so bad for her sometimes. She talks about "Yaya" all day long, and wakes up at night talking about him.
It'll be okay - I try to keep telling myself that. But this has shaken me on a level that's usually not shakable, if that makes sense. It's very, very difficult. I find myself really hating my former landlord for putting us into this position, and feel very powerless and unable to make it better. This isn't a normal feeling for me - I generally try to go with that peace and goodwill towards all philosophy - and I'm angry and bitter. I'm also enough of a control freak that being in this position is making me nuts. I just have to wait and see what Annamarie can find for us, and hope for the best. I know that we're all healthy, and thank God for that. I'm not blind to the fact that this could be SO much worse. We had our choice of people to go stay with - we are blessed with wonderful friends and family, and everyone is so kind and generous - but I'm the one that people stay with - not the one who goes to stay with others.
But we are all healthy and the kids are adjusting as well as they can. And Marc has a wonderful new job and the van is still running great. We're on the cusp of great and wonderful things - but I can't begin to tell you how grateful I'll be to be in my own place again.