As I'm sitting here thinking back on 2008 - I'm glad we've moved on. In so many ways, it was a great year - but it was one of the hardest ones, financially, that we've had in a long time. So I'm optimistic that 2009 will that much better for us. Here's a list of my favorite parts of 2008
1 - Bertucci's birthday trip. Marc, Jess, Sam and I all went out to dinner and spent a couple of hours window shopping at the mall to celebrate my birthday. It doesn't sound like a lot, but it was one of the best nights of the year. We bought foam swords that are still among Sam's favorite toys, got Jessie the first in a long succession of headbands for her pretty curls, and Marc bought my pretty necklace/ring combo. Also Beck and Greg were there, and that always makes it better.
2 - Sam started talking. A lot. A whole new aspect of his personality opened up, and I'm delighted by it. His mind is fascinating, the way he processes info is just so awesome, so funny and oh-my-God brilliant, I love it.
3 - Jessie started school. Big girl school, for the very first time. And grew up in ways that I'm still struggling to catch up with. She's doing so well, exceeding all my expectations, I'm so incredibly proud of the person she's becoming. Not just academically, although that's great, but socially. I love watching it.
4 - Marc and I are as strong today as we were in the beginning. Stronger. I still love him, he still turns me on, and now there's the added bonus of longevity and consistency. I can't imagine doign this without him.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Milestones
Last night, for the first time in five years and ten months - one of my children actually puked in the potty. That's right - not on me, not on the bed, not on some disgusting combination of me and the bed - but actually in the potty. All the way. Not on his clothes, not on the back of the potty, not just in the bathroom - but in the potty. This is HUGE in my world. My little Sam was coughing and coughing and I sensed (with that mama intuition thing) that it was coming and called him over, led him to the toilet and BOOM - it happened. I rubbed his little back and murmured encouragement as he puked his little heart out.
And then Jess stayed dry all night again last night - with underwear. Amazing stuff happening here every day ;-)
On a cute side note - sometimes Sam learns things from his sister that I don't particularly appreciate - he was literally storming around the dining room while I was folding laundry, with his arms crossed in front of him, and muttering to himself "I have nuffin ta do!" in a most aggrieved tone. It was adorable - but somewhat disconcerting - what with the fact that's he's not yet two and a half...
And then Jess stayed dry all night again last night - with underwear. Amazing stuff happening here every day ;-)
On a cute side note - sometimes Sam learns things from his sister that I don't particularly appreciate - he was literally storming around the dining room while I was folding laundry, with his arms crossed in front of him, and muttering to himself "I have nuffin ta do!" in a most aggrieved tone. It was adorable - but somewhat disconcerting - what with the fact that's he's not yet two and a half...
Monday, December 29, 2008
The importance of a father
I had a conversation with a friend earlier today. He's a parent, has a fourteen year old son that he hasn't been much involved with. He pays child support, but for various reasons, his visitation has always been haphazard. He'd like to get more involved, and believes that the best way to do that would be to file for full custody. His son lives in NH, and getting up there is a pain. I advised against that, and in the course of the conversation realized a couple of things that I hadn't fully articulated to myself before.
1 - I believe that children fare best with two loving, involved parents.
2 - I believe that children fare better with one loving committed parent and one that's never there than with one loving committed parent and one that is unreliable. In other words, if you aren't going to do it right, don't bother. Don't show up sometimes, take a few months or a year off, dance in and out of your child's life. Either commit for the long haul, or don't do it at all. Don't get me wrong - I believe that if you have a child, you have the obligation to parent. Not negotiable - this is your child, and he/she NEEDS YOU. But having a parent you can't trust or count on is incredibly damaging to a child's psyche. Either do it or don't - but don't pretend to do it halfway.
3 - Staying together for the sake of the children isn't enough of a reason to stay in a crappy marriage, but once you have a child, you don't EVER walk away. You live as close as you can, you get joint legal and physical custody, if not primary physical custody. You make your children the focus of your life, whether you stay with their mother or not. You live in the same town, you know their friends, their friend's parents, their teachers and their homework. Don't make a child pay the price of your bad choices.
I grew up as a child of a "broken home." That's not a term that's politically correct now, and thank God for that. I had an actual single mother, no child support, no help, no nothing. My father... well, he just wasn't cut out to be a parent. Although I guess he tried for several years, he wasn't ever able to actually do it, and when he disappeared when I was fourteen, I was a little bit relieved. When he called me when I was nineteen, I just wasn't interested. I had lived for so long without him, and it was much easier to live with just a mother, than to have a mother and a father sometimes.
I married a man with children. I have two stepdaughters - and one consistent thing about my husband, one of his MOST attractive qualities to me, is that he's a parent. A GOOD parent. We live in Worcester - which is a horrible city. City - with crime and dirt and drugs and I have lived here for five years and still feel like a visitor. I left my hometown, an itty bitty town, where I had roots that stretched back for generations, and would LOVE to have raised my children there. But my step kids live in Worcester, and so this is where I'll stay for at least another ten years. Because they are my kids too - and they love their dad, they love me, and they love their brother and sister. Because this is where my husband's ex lives and works, and because it's crucial that we see them as often as possible. That we attend school functions, and help with homework, and go to birthday parties, and all the other stuff that goes along with having kids.
I told my friend to move to NH.
1 - I believe that children fare best with two loving, involved parents.
2 - I believe that children fare better with one loving committed parent and one that's never there than with one loving committed parent and one that is unreliable. In other words, if you aren't going to do it right, don't bother. Don't show up sometimes, take a few months or a year off, dance in and out of your child's life. Either commit for the long haul, or don't do it at all. Don't get me wrong - I believe that if you have a child, you have the obligation to parent. Not negotiable - this is your child, and he/she NEEDS YOU. But having a parent you can't trust or count on is incredibly damaging to a child's psyche. Either do it or don't - but don't pretend to do it halfway.
3 - Staying together for the sake of the children isn't enough of a reason to stay in a crappy marriage, but once you have a child, you don't EVER walk away. You live as close as you can, you get joint legal and physical custody, if not primary physical custody. You make your children the focus of your life, whether you stay with their mother or not. You live in the same town, you know their friends, their friend's parents, their teachers and their homework. Don't make a child pay the price of your bad choices.
I grew up as a child of a "broken home." That's not a term that's politically correct now, and thank God for that. I had an actual single mother, no child support, no help, no nothing. My father... well, he just wasn't cut out to be a parent. Although I guess he tried for several years, he wasn't ever able to actually do it, and when he disappeared when I was fourteen, I was a little bit relieved. When he called me when I was nineteen, I just wasn't interested. I had lived for so long without him, and it was much easier to live with just a mother, than to have a mother and a father sometimes.
I married a man with children. I have two stepdaughters - and one consistent thing about my husband, one of his MOST attractive qualities to me, is that he's a parent. A GOOD parent. We live in Worcester - which is a horrible city. City - with crime and dirt and drugs and I have lived here for five years and still feel like a visitor. I left my hometown, an itty bitty town, where I had roots that stretched back for generations, and would LOVE to have raised my children there. But my step kids live in Worcester, and so this is where I'll stay for at least another ten years. Because they are my kids too - and they love their dad, they love me, and they love their brother and sister. Because this is where my husband's ex lives and works, and because it's crucial that we see them as often as possible. That we attend school functions, and help with homework, and go to birthday parties, and all the other stuff that goes along with having kids.
I told my friend to move to NH.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Happy, happy, happy
It's a beautiful Sunday morning, and all is well in my world. Marc is off playing D&D with his friends, both my kids are fed and relaxed, watching Disney and munching on some frosted mini-wheats. I've found huge sections of my house, and am optimistic about clearing out the rest of it by the time Marc gets home. I'm taking Jess and going out shopping later, I think, while Sam naps and Marc watches the game. It's the last night of Hanukkah, and I've got one more week of vacation before Jess goes back to school.
Christmas went really well, all things considered. It was REALLY hard not having a tree, but now that it's over, I can look back and say it could have been a lot worse. I'm still reserving the right to put one up next year, but I might feel differently 12 months from now. If nothing else, I've learned that there's no predicting what I'm going to do in the future - who'd have thought I'd have not put one up in the first place? The Christmas Eve party at Becky's was lovely - nobody showed up, which actually made for a very nice night. Everyone could sit and talk, Christmas Day - I managed to time it perfectly so that Scott and I didn't see each other at all, my goal was to make it thru the day without screaming at him, and all I ended up having to do was wave as we passed each other on the road. The kids were good, I got to see Eric and Witch, it was perfect.
Friday, Marc and I went out to do more Christmas/Hanukkah shopping - and it was just a really nice date. We'll be together seven years in February, and it's so nice to realize that I LIKE him just as much as I did in the beginning. When you're married to someone (or at least, when I'm married...), there's lots keeping you together, habit, children, a million little complications - but I legitimately like hanging out with him. He's still the one person I'd rather be with - and I love that fact.
Had our annual Hanukkah party last night for friends - and it went... not great. We made funnel cakes, which, in retrospect, was not a wise choice, they don't taste all that good, and ended up ordering out for pizza later on. We had one guest who was slightly buzzed when he arrived, and continued drinking his way thru the night, making for a crappy time for everyone. But all in all, I'm just relieved that it's all over and done with, and we can move on to January.
Christmas went really well, all things considered. It was REALLY hard not having a tree, but now that it's over, I can look back and say it could have been a lot worse. I'm still reserving the right to put one up next year, but I might feel differently 12 months from now. If nothing else, I've learned that there's no predicting what I'm going to do in the future - who'd have thought I'd have not put one up in the first place? The Christmas Eve party at Becky's was lovely - nobody showed up, which actually made for a very nice night. Everyone could sit and talk, Christmas Day - I managed to time it perfectly so that Scott and I didn't see each other at all, my goal was to make it thru the day without screaming at him, and all I ended up having to do was wave as we passed each other on the road. The kids were good, I got to see Eric and Witch, it was perfect.
Friday, Marc and I went out to do more Christmas/Hanukkah shopping - and it was just a really nice date. We'll be together seven years in February, and it's so nice to realize that I LIKE him just as much as I did in the beginning. When you're married to someone (or at least, when I'm married...), there's lots keeping you together, habit, children, a million little complications - but I legitimately like hanging out with him. He's still the one person I'd rather be with - and I love that fact.
Had our annual Hanukkah party last night for friends - and it went... not great. We made funnel cakes, which, in retrospect, was not a wise choice, they don't taste all that good, and ended up ordering out for pizza later on. We had one guest who was slightly buzzed when he arrived, and continued drinking his way thru the night, making for a crappy time for everyone. But all in all, I'm just relieved that it's all over and done with, and we can move on to January.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas Eve
Although my primary feeling is one of just relief that it's almost over. This has been a crappy little Christmas season for me... but at the end of it, I know that skipping it will make it possible for the rabbi to officially convert the kids, which was critical for me. So no regrets - but a nagging suspicion that next year, I'm putting up the tree the day after Thanksgiving and celebrating the hell out it :-)
It's been an off sort of month... with no school FOREVER and lots and lots of kids over here, it's been crazy and hectic and stressful, even before adding on the disappointment from my family over my not getting a tree. Plus I'm worried about Becky and there are issues with one of Marc's friends... it's been a not entirely pleasant time.
Kids are both doing well - Jess is still so amazing to me, and I find something new and exciting to love about her all the time. She's in the middle of so many 'firsts' - her first shower all by herself was a momentous occasion, the first time she changed a diaper, the first time she read a book. The reading thing is HUGE for me... I think it's my favorite milestone of all time, other than talking. I'm so proud of her. We had a ginormous fight the other night, with tears and hysteria resulting in vomit all over her booster seat. There's almost nobody who can infuriate me as much as my daughter... and when it was all over, and I had cleaned her up, gotten her into jammies and rocked her to sleep in my arms, it was such a sweet, tender time for the two of us. It's a magical thing, the relationship between Jessica and I. I can't imagine how I ever existed without her.
And my Sam - now that he's talking, it's so MUCH FUN. He was such a miserable baby, with the colic and the reflux, I feel like he's making up for all of it by being this utterly amazing little creature. He's such a joy, so happy and calm. As long as I don't bring him to parties (he literally screamed "Get me out of here" over and over again when we went to the Backiel's Christmas party - and threw a forty five minute screaming fit at the Hanukkah party), he's really just always a source of happiness for me. He's Marc... just exactly like him. Jess is a little mini-me, all emotional intensity and drama, and Sam just clicks along, just like his father, nothing really bothers him, he's always up for a smile or a little chat. He's so earnest and funny and sweet. I adore him.
It's been an off sort of month... with no school FOREVER and lots and lots of kids over here, it's been crazy and hectic and stressful, even before adding on the disappointment from my family over my not getting a tree. Plus I'm worried about Becky and there are issues with one of Marc's friends... it's been a not entirely pleasant time.
Kids are both doing well - Jess is still so amazing to me, and I find something new and exciting to love about her all the time. She's in the middle of so many 'firsts' - her first shower all by herself was a momentous occasion, the first time she changed a diaper, the first time she read a book. The reading thing is HUGE for me... I think it's my favorite milestone of all time, other than talking. I'm so proud of her. We had a ginormous fight the other night, with tears and hysteria resulting in vomit all over her booster seat. There's almost nobody who can infuriate me as much as my daughter... and when it was all over, and I had cleaned her up, gotten her into jammies and rocked her to sleep in my arms, it was such a sweet, tender time for the two of us. It's a magical thing, the relationship between Jessica and I. I can't imagine how I ever existed without her.
And my Sam - now that he's talking, it's so MUCH FUN. He was such a miserable baby, with the colic and the reflux, I feel like he's making up for all of it by being this utterly amazing little creature. He's such a joy, so happy and calm. As long as I don't bring him to parties (he literally screamed "Get me out of here" over and over again when we went to the Backiel's Christmas party - and threw a forty five minute screaming fit at the Hanukkah party), he's really just always a source of happiness for me. He's Marc... just exactly like him. Jess is a little mini-me, all emotional intensity and drama, and Sam just clicks along, just like his father, nothing really bothers him, he's always up for a smile or a little chat. He's so earnest and funny and sweet. I adore him.
Monday, December 22, 2008
I hate this
I can't do it. I tried to give up Christmas - but I'm getting more and more irritable and depressed as the day gets closer. It just sucks.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Chipper, chipper, chipper
I'm much happier today - yesterday was just awful. Marc and I had a huge screaming fight, which, fortunately, is exceptionally rare for both of us. And we were both wrecked for the rest of the day. I was miserable, the kids were HORRIBLE and Marc was sunk deep in the depths of depression when he came home. But today is ever so much better, and I'm back to being grateful for what I have, and not pissed off and angry about it.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me with all that he has. He truly wants my happiness above all else, thinks I'm beautiful and sexy and wonderful, and tells me so all the time. How many women really have that? Have someone that's their bestest friend, the one they turn to for solace, cheering up, and is simultaneously the one person they want to be with when the sun is shining? He's fabulous - brilliant, kind, loving, truly the smartest, NICEST person I've ever met, and I'm so incredibly lucky to have him.
I have a wonderful husband who loves me with all that he has. He truly wants my happiness above all else, thinks I'm beautiful and sexy and wonderful, and tells me so all the time. How many women really have that? Have someone that's their bestest friend, the one they turn to for solace, cheering up, and is simultaneously the one person they want to be with when the sun is shining? He's fabulous - brilliant, kind, loving, truly the smartest, NICEST person I've ever met, and I'm so incredibly lucky to have him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)