I've been kind of caught up in Sam and Julie stuff lately, and Jessie has been flying under the radar. But I've been noticing, more and more, that she's kind of... gorgeous. I mean, she's mine. Right? So of course, I always think she's beautiful. But this is different. She's suddenly... a lot older looking. A lot more... gorgeous. She's all long legs and skinny, skinny body. Her cheekbones are suddenly there, her eyes are bigger. Her hair is longer, she's more put together somehow. She's carrying herself differently, somehow. She's growing up on me, and she's stunning.
Fourth grade is big. Not only is she suddenly toting home textbooks and switching classes - they don't have automatic school conferences anymore. Because in the K-3 age frame - you're really relying on the teachers to take care of your kids. Not just teach them, but to watch out for them. To make sure that they're okay. And now... that's just not needed anymore. We can certainly meet with teachers to discuss academics, but that's what they're there for. To teach. Not to take care of them. Jessie's more than capable of taking care of herself now. It's a big change, and I'm feeling a little... just not ready for it.
It's the little things, like realizing that I don't really worry about getting her to bed. I worry about Sam getting enough sleep, but Jessie can stay up later. If Sam's still awake at eight thirty, I start feeling the pressure to get him asleep as quickly as I can. With Jessie, it's looser. I still have to tell her to settle down and go to bed, but it's not the same intensity. It's being told by the teachers at last night's Know Your School night that we aren't supposed to be correcting their homework and helping them so much. Now, the teachers don't want you to sit beside your child and walk them thru it, they want the child to be able to do the work on their own, or to come to them for help. That's enormous. There's this huge transfer, on a whole bunch of different levels, of control over to them. I'm not saying that she's an adult. But she's responsible for a lot more than her little brother is. She's capable of so much more, all of a sudden. I know that it's not really all of a sudden, that it's a gradual process, and it's just that I'm suddenly aware of it. But it feels like she woke up and aged three years one day in late August.
My baby girl isn't a baby anymore. I know I say that all the time, about both of them... but wow. You know? I mean, she's my baby. She's my first little angel girl, and I'm gradually, slowly, realizing that she's really, really growing up.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Victory
Day Four - and the first day that Sam went to the car without having to be dragged kicking and screaming.
He's a stubborn kid, and dammit, he doesn't LIKE going to school. From all reports - he's a happy, engaged, playful and content boy once he's there, but man, does he hate going. But he goes, because I really, really believe that he is learning valuable lessons about independence. While I can teach him at home, what I can't give him is the knowledge that he's safe and secure without me there. I can try, but in the end, the only way he's going to know is for him to do it. Because he is safe and secure, he just needs to know it. I wish, wish, wish that he had an easier time of it, but this is just who Sam is. He's my boy, and I love him exactly as he is. That being said, I felt like dancing on the way back in the house, just because a morning when I don't have to kiss his tear stained little face and rip my arm out of his grip is a gift I never stop appreciating.
In other news - Julianna is all potty trained. Not dry at night yet, but that's not far away. Mostly, she's dry at night, but the mornings are so hectic, having to not worry about dragging her to the potty right away is helpful. But she's reliably dry all day long, and I could not be happier. She's starting to tell me herself before she has an accident, so it's not just me remembering to prompt her. She's got this, and I'm still surprised by it.
Jess is doing pretty well at school too. She struggles sometimes socially, trying to navigate the social drama of fourth grade. It's hard to watch - but it kind of reinforces, for me, that a huge part of why I send my kids to school is so that they learn how to be around other kids their own ages. Academically, I don't worry about her at all. Or Sam, for that matter. They're both bright kids, they love learning, and they're intellectually inclined anyway. But they're both introverts, and learning how to handle that is a struggle for both of them. Jessie is learning how to stand up for herself and articulate her wants and needs - and that's huge. Sam is learning how to smile and connect with other people without hiding behind my legs, and those are both skills that they'll really need going forward.
I'm still pondering preschool for Julie. Just because she is so social, and so happy to be around other people. I worry that she's not stimulated enough with me at home by herself, but I'm not ready to ship her out into the world yet. She's not even two and a half, but she's so verbal, and now that she's not in diapers, it feels like she's a lot older than she is.
He's a stubborn kid, and dammit, he doesn't LIKE going to school. From all reports - he's a happy, engaged, playful and content boy once he's there, but man, does he hate going. But he goes, because I really, really believe that he is learning valuable lessons about independence. While I can teach him at home, what I can't give him is the knowledge that he's safe and secure without me there. I can try, but in the end, the only way he's going to know is for him to do it. Because he is safe and secure, he just needs to know it. I wish, wish, wish that he had an easier time of it, but this is just who Sam is. He's my boy, and I love him exactly as he is. That being said, I felt like dancing on the way back in the house, just because a morning when I don't have to kiss his tear stained little face and rip my arm out of his grip is a gift I never stop appreciating.
In other news - Julianna is all potty trained. Not dry at night yet, but that's not far away. Mostly, she's dry at night, but the mornings are so hectic, having to not worry about dragging her to the potty right away is helpful. But she's reliably dry all day long, and I could not be happier. She's starting to tell me herself before she has an accident, so it's not just me remembering to prompt her. She's got this, and I'm still surprised by it.
Jess is doing pretty well at school too. She struggles sometimes socially, trying to navigate the social drama of fourth grade. It's hard to watch - but it kind of reinforces, for me, that a huge part of why I send my kids to school is so that they learn how to be around other kids their own ages. Academically, I don't worry about her at all. Or Sam, for that matter. They're both bright kids, they love learning, and they're intellectually inclined anyway. But they're both introverts, and learning how to handle that is a struggle for both of them. Jessie is learning how to stand up for herself and articulate her wants and needs - and that's huge. Sam is learning how to smile and connect with other people without hiding behind my legs, and those are both skills that they'll really need going forward.
I'm still pondering preschool for Julie. Just because she is so social, and so happy to be around other people. I worry that she's not stimulated enough with me at home by herself, but I'm not ready to ship her out into the world yet. She's not even two and a half, but she's so verbal, and now that she's not in diapers, it feels like she's a lot older than she is.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Repost from 2008
I was looking back to see if I'd written anything helpful about Jessie's first year of kindergarten - because I remember it as being fairly traumatic. Sam is going every day, but sobbing on the way out the door. Which sucks. A lot. But I remember Jessie doing it too, and have to keep reminding myself that it's just a stage, and he's great all day, happy and playing, and that's better for him that sitting at home, staring at the walls or the television set all day. (Not that he stares at the wall or television all day, but I still think he gains a lot from going and spending time with other kids/adults). Anyway - I found this old post and liked it - so I thought I'd repost it. (With a couple of updates, in blue)
1. I'm thirty five years old, and not entirely sure how I feel about that. I think I'm pretty happy about it, I really like where I am in my life. (I'm thirty eight now - and still kind of like it. Marginally weirded out that I'll be forty soon, but not too much)
2. I'm very happily married to a man I think is uniquely suited to me. And I think I'm uniquely suited to him. The qualities I wanted most in my dream husband are the ones he possesses in abundance. (Yes - a thousand times yes. Even when it's hard)
3. I've been pregnant three times, one miscarriage of twins, one daughter, one son. (Four times now, one miscarriage, two daughters, and a boy child)
4. My daughter is six years old, and there is nobody I feel closer to on a lot of levels. We don't always mesh perfectly, but I always understand exactly what she's feeling, and have since she was born. Getting her to do what I want is another story... (I don't always like it, but yes, I still get her all the time)
5. I really thought my son was a girl before he was born. We specifically didn't find out, but I KNEW he was a girl. And spent the first day or so after he was born a bit confused as to what to do with a son. (Now, I can't imagine him as a girl, or what I'd do without my Samilicious)
6. My husband feels the same way about my son as I do about my daughter. Which I think is nice.
7. I feel incredibly guilty if I leave my kids. I do it - but dropping them off with someone is NEVER easy, and I always want to back out of whatever plans I've made that don't include them.
8. My son will be three in July, and I have a feeling that he'll still be nursing. (He was - and there's a not zero chance that when Julie turns three in April, she'll still be nursing too.)
9. I'm kind of a breastfeeding snob. I (silently) judge people who don't nurse their kids. I'm not happy about this, I'd like to be all 'live and let live' about it, but the longer I've nursed my son, the more judgemental I get about it. I really think it's the only way to feed an infant, and you should nurse until the child is ready to quit.
10. I really want my son to wean on his own. And am doing everything I can to encourage it.
11. I'm extremely close to my mother. We talk three or four times a day, and I hope to have the same relationship with both my children.
12. I'm a stepmom to my husband's two daughters from his first marriage. It's not a role that's always easy, and I'm always trying to get better at it.
13. I'm really afraid of things that fly. Birds, bugs, butterflies - they all freak me out. I'm afraid the birds will bite me (do you know how much pressure the average parrot can exert with his beak? Scary) and I had a hornet once fly into my hair and get stuck.
14. My sister is six years younger than I am - and while I don't always understand the bond between us, we're so different, it's one of the strongest ones I have.
15. I have two brothers, and don't really talk to either of them. One on purpose, and one just because neither one of us puts the effort into it. I'm okay with both situations.
16. I have a stepfather and two stepsisters. I am a stepmother and a stepdaughter. Odd.
17. One of my secret fears is having my sister and cousin put me on that "What Not to Wear" show. (still kind of surprised, happily, that it hasn't happened)
18. I secretly believe that I could, in fact, walk on water, if I could just manage to suspend the belief that I couldn't. If that makes any sense. (have experienced spiritual turn around - my philosophy is now better summed up as "crappy stuff happens, what are you going to do about it?" Which is to say, sometimes awful things happen. You can't change it, it doesn't happen because you weren't strong enough to change it, but you can change the way you deal with it. Perspective is all. Or at least most.)
19. I think I might be turning into a Republican. I'm not sure, but am no longer a hard core Democrat. (If I had to pick a label, I'd say Libertarian, very socially liberal but conservative economically)
20. I love putting my kids to bed. Feel a little guilty because I don't do it the way I'm supposed to - but we all snuggle up in the recliner and I cuddle them until they doze off. (Now that they're in school, there's more pressure on getting them to sleep, so I don't love it as much)
21. I hate cooking. And dishes. And am perplexed because so much of my life is cooking and dishes and I'm perfectly okay with that.
22. I really like staying home and not working. As much as I'm still proud to call myself a feminist, I live this very traditional, Mommy at home in the kitchen, husband off to work, paying all the bills sort of life.
23. I worry sometimes that my kids are getting the message that there is women work and men work and they aren't the same thing, simply because I always do the dishes and Marc always kills the bugs. But I don't want to kill the bugs or nag Marc to do the dishes.
24. I'm not very friendly. I'm not unfriendly, but I'm really kind of shy and don't like to ask a lot of questions or assume that people want to tell me stuff. I'd much rather other people make the effort to be friends. I like to listen and talk and hang out, but am not good at starting off friendships.
25. Then again, I let a really good, long friendship die - so maybe I'm not all that good at being a friend either.
26. I'm a really good wife and mom.
27. I realized soon after getting pregnant that I couldn't keep putting everyone else ahead of my own family. That's now my criteria - is this what's best for my kids? It's not always the deciding factor, but it's always a major priority.
28. I don't like shoes. Don't like wearing them, don't like buying them. Am frustrated that you have to wear them all the time in public.
29. I don't like coats either, now that I think of it.
30. I'd almost always rather stay home with a good book.
31. The quickest way for me to relax is to open a book. I read them incessently. I've usually got two or three that I'm reading at any one point.
32. I really want another baby. I'm not desperate yet, but can feel the yearning. (I don't think I do. I don't think I don't yet, either. But I'm not positive either way)
33. I love being pregnant. I feel like crap thru it (or did every time before) but it's still one of my favorite times in my life. (Julianna's pregnancy was straight up horrible)
34. I'm very low maintenance on a daily basis. Husband's t-shirts, cut offs and a ponytail is my uniform.
35. I think it's magic the way I wake up before one of my kid's does. It's like I hear them thinking about waking up and pop awake.
36. I sing all the time, despite having a terrible voice. Mostly I make up lyrics to the tune of My Little Sunshine. I don't know why, but that's a really adaptable melody.
37. I'm converting to Judaism, and wish it was over and done with already. I feel like I've been doing it FOREVER.
38. I hate it when my mother complains about my living in the "city."
39. I get all freaked out when my house is a mess. If my house is a mess, and there are people in it not helping me clean, it gets worse. My standards are low (dishes done, laundry done, floor vacuumed) but they are standards.
40. I have a really hard time not jumping in with Jess when she's upset about something. Even though I know that when I get upset, it just makes it worse. (I still have a hard time not matching her emotional intensity when she gets upset)
41. I think Sam's adorable when he's most angry. He literally jumps up and down over and over again - it's great.
42. I let my son play with toy guns. Marc feels really strongly about it and I feel really strongly about letting Marc make that decision. Even though it makes me crazy.
43. I still think homeschooling Jess would have been the right decision. And think less of myself for caving to peer pressure. (I'm relatively positive that homeschooling would not be best for Sam, and Jessie is thriving. Not 100% certain, and still hold the option out there, but for right now, public school is working)
44. Left to my own devices, I'd eat out all the time.
45. I love my family. A lot. My mother, sister, cousins, aunts... but like the distance too.
46. I get migraines. And always want to just endure the pain rather than take meds for it, even though it makes no logical sense.
47. I give my kids motrin with no hesitation, despite the fact that I have to force myself to take it myself.
48. One of my favorite things in the world is a hot shower all by myself.
49. I really, legitimately think my kids are the most amazing creatures. I'm amazed every day by them.
50. I'm always aware of how incredibly lucky I am. (Always. Still)
1. I'm thirty five years old, and not entirely sure how I feel about that. I think I'm pretty happy about it, I really like where I am in my life. (I'm thirty eight now - and still kind of like it. Marginally weirded out that I'll be forty soon, but not too much)
2. I'm very happily married to a man I think is uniquely suited to me. And I think I'm uniquely suited to him. The qualities I wanted most in my dream husband are the ones he possesses in abundance. (Yes - a thousand times yes. Even when it's hard)
3. I've been pregnant three times, one miscarriage of twins, one daughter, one son. (Four times now, one miscarriage, two daughters, and a boy child)
4. My daughter is six years old, and there is nobody I feel closer to on a lot of levels. We don't always mesh perfectly, but I always understand exactly what she's feeling, and have since she was born. Getting her to do what I want is another story... (I don't always like it, but yes, I still get her all the time)
5. I really thought my son was a girl before he was born. We specifically didn't find out, but I KNEW he was a girl. And spent the first day or so after he was born a bit confused as to what to do with a son. (Now, I can't imagine him as a girl, or what I'd do without my Samilicious)
6. My husband feels the same way about my son as I do about my daughter. Which I think is nice.
7. I feel incredibly guilty if I leave my kids. I do it - but dropping them off with someone is NEVER easy, and I always want to back out of whatever plans I've made that don't include them.
8. My son will be three in July, and I have a feeling that he'll still be nursing. (He was - and there's a not zero chance that when Julie turns three in April, she'll still be nursing too.)
9. I'm kind of a breastfeeding snob. I (silently) judge people who don't nurse their kids. I'm not happy about this, I'd like to be all 'live and let live' about it, but the longer I've nursed my son, the more judgemental I get about it. I really think it's the only way to feed an infant, and you should nurse until the child is ready to quit.
10. I really want my son to wean on his own. And am doing everything I can to encourage it.
11. I'm extremely close to my mother. We talk three or four times a day, and I hope to have the same relationship with both my children.
12. I'm a stepmom to my husband's two daughters from his first marriage. It's not a role that's always easy, and I'm always trying to get better at it.
13. I'm really afraid of things that fly. Birds, bugs, butterflies - they all freak me out. I'm afraid the birds will bite me (do you know how much pressure the average parrot can exert with his beak? Scary) and I had a hornet once fly into my hair and get stuck.
14. My sister is six years younger than I am - and while I don't always understand the bond between us, we're so different, it's one of the strongest ones I have.
15. I have two brothers, and don't really talk to either of them. One on purpose, and one just because neither one of us puts the effort into it. I'm okay with both situations.
16. I have a stepfather and two stepsisters. I am a stepmother and a stepdaughter. Odd.
17. One of my secret fears is having my sister and cousin put me on that "What Not to Wear" show. (still kind of surprised, happily, that it hasn't happened)
18. I secretly believe that I could, in fact, walk on water, if I could just manage to suspend the belief that I couldn't. If that makes any sense. (have experienced spiritual turn around - my philosophy is now better summed up as "crappy stuff happens, what are you going to do about it?" Which is to say, sometimes awful things happen. You can't change it, it doesn't happen because you weren't strong enough to change it, but you can change the way you deal with it. Perspective is all. Or at least most.)
19. I think I might be turning into a Republican. I'm not sure, but am no longer a hard core Democrat. (If I had to pick a label, I'd say Libertarian, very socially liberal but conservative economically)
20. I love putting my kids to bed. Feel a little guilty because I don't do it the way I'm supposed to - but we all snuggle up in the recliner and I cuddle them until they doze off. (Now that they're in school, there's more pressure on getting them to sleep, so I don't love it as much)
21. I hate cooking. And dishes. And am perplexed because so much of my life is cooking and dishes and I'm perfectly okay with that.
22. I really like staying home and not working. As much as I'm still proud to call myself a feminist, I live this very traditional, Mommy at home in the kitchen, husband off to work, paying all the bills sort of life.
23. I worry sometimes that my kids are getting the message that there is women work and men work and they aren't the same thing, simply because I always do the dishes and Marc always kills the bugs. But I don't want to kill the bugs or nag Marc to do the dishes.
24. I'm not very friendly. I'm not unfriendly, but I'm really kind of shy and don't like to ask a lot of questions or assume that people want to tell me stuff. I'd much rather other people make the effort to be friends. I like to listen and talk and hang out, but am not good at starting off friendships.
25. Then again, I let a really good, long friendship die - so maybe I'm not all that good at being a friend either.
26. I'm a really good wife and mom.
27. I realized soon after getting pregnant that I couldn't keep putting everyone else ahead of my own family. That's now my criteria - is this what's best for my kids? It's not always the deciding factor, but it's always a major priority.
28. I don't like shoes. Don't like wearing them, don't like buying them. Am frustrated that you have to wear them all the time in public.
29. I don't like coats either, now that I think of it.
30. I'd almost always rather stay home with a good book.
31. The quickest way for me to relax is to open a book. I read them incessently. I've usually got two or three that I'm reading at any one point.
32. I really want another baby. I'm not desperate yet, but can feel the yearning. (I don't think I do. I don't think I don't yet, either. But I'm not positive either way)
33. I love being pregnant. I feel like crap thru it (or did every time before) but it's still one of my favorite times in my life. (Julianna's pregnancy was straight up horrible)
34. I'm very low maintenance on a daily basis. Husband's t-shirts, cut offs and a ponytail is my uniform.
35. I think it's magic the way I wake up before one of my kid's does. It's like I hear them thinking about waking up and pop awake.
36. I sing all the time, despite having a terrible voice. Mostly I make up lyrics to the tune of My Little Sunshine. I don't know why, but that's a really adaptable melody.
37. I'm converting to Judaism, and wish it was over and done with already. I feel like I've been doing it FOREVER.
38. I hate it when my mother complains about my living in the "city."
39. I get all freaked out when my house is a mess. If my house is a mess, and there are people in it not helping me clean, it gets worse. My standards are low (dishes done, laundry done, floor vacuumed) but they are standards.
40. I have a really hard time not jumping in with Jess when she's upset about something. Even though I know that when I get upset, it just makes it worse. (I still have a hard time not matching her emotional intensity when she gets upset)
41. I think Sam's adorable when he's most angry. He literally jumps up and down over and over again - it's great.
42. I let my son play with toy guns. Marc feels really strongly about it and I feel really strongly about letting Marc make that decision. Even though it makes me crazy.
43. I still think homeschooling Jess would have been the right decision. And think less of myself for caving to peer pressure. (I'm relatively positive that homeschooling would not be best for Sam, and Jessie is thriving. Not 100% certain, and still hold the option out there, but for right now, public school is working)
44. Left to my own devices, I'd eat out all the time.
45. I love my family. A lot. My mother, sister, cousins, aunts... but like the distance too.
46. I get migraines. And always want to just endure the pain rather than take meds for it, even though it makes no logical sense.
47. I give my kids motrin with no hesitation, despite the fact that I have to force myself to take it myself.
48. One of my favorite things in the world is a hot shower all by myself.
49. I really, legitimately think my kids are the most amazing creatures. I'm amazed every day by them.
50. I'm always aware of how incredibly lucky I am. (Always. Still)
Friday, September 7, 2012
Motherhood Confessions
Nobody's perfect, right? And here's a list of my top five motherhood confessions just in case you had any doubts about me...
1 - I'm utter and complete crap when it comes to putting my kids to bed. By the end of the day, I'm just done. I'm tired, and while I'll go thru the motions, getting jammies for everyone and demanding they brush their teeth, mostly, I let my kids go to bed on their terms. I'll make them lay down, but if they'd rather lay next to me and watch cooking shows to fall asleep, I'm okay with that. We have designated bedrooms and beds, but almost never does everyone sleep alone in their assigned beds all night. I let kids conk out on the couch, my bed, Sam's got two beds in his room, so if he wants a buddy, Marc sleeps in there with him. Julie uses her bed mainly for jumping purposes and sleeps next to me. It's just not a battle I'm willing to take on. Everyone gets a good night's sleep, but we don't do it the way most people do, I guess. Life is short, too short to make your kids cry themselves to sleep, in my opinion.
2. I clean up, not all the time, but frequently, by throwing their toys away. Not the biggies, mostly, but crayons, barbie clothes, polly pockets, army guys - yeah, I get sick of picking them all up and every couple of days, I just throw a bunch out. This makes no appreciable difference in the amount of toys they have to play with (which, in and of itself, is probably an issue) and none of the kids have ever noticed. It's liberating - I recommend that everyone do it.
3. I'm not good at feeding them. Not always. If they don't tell me that they're hungry, I'll frequently forget about breakfast or lunch if we're all home. I try and get some food into them before they go to school, and generally make the connection when Julie starts melting down that I haven't actually given her breakfast yet... but I know I'm not good at it. Dinner - I'm good at dinner, and I always feed them before I feed myself - but I frequently skip meals or forget to eat when I'm busy, so they've learned to remind me to feed them.
4. I don't always make them go outside. I'm a lazy girl - and there are days, when it's really hot or really cold, or I've got a headache or everyone's crabby - when I don't make them go outside and run around. They don't sit in front of the television, I make them play independently, but every time I read studies saying that kids need hours of running around outside, I feel guilty.
5. I think waiting with all the other parents to pick up your kids at the end of the day feels just like trying to find a seat in the cafeteria in high school when all of your friends are in a different lunch period. It's my least favorite part of the day.
1 - I'm utter and complete crap when it comes to putting my kids to bed. By the end of the day, I'm just done. I'm tired, and while I'll go thru the motions, getting jammies for everyone and demanding they brush their teeth, mostly, I let my kids go to bed on their terms. I'll make them lay down, but if they'd rather lay next to me and watch cooking shows to fall asleep, I'm okay with that. We have designated bedrooms and beds, but almost never does everyone sleep alone in their assigned beds all night. I let kids conk out on the couch, my bed, Sam's got two beds in his room, so if he wants a buddy, Marc sleeps in there with him. Julie uses her bed mainly for jumping purposes and sleeps next to me. It's just not a battle I'm willing to take on. Everyone gets a good night's sleep, but we don't do it the way most people do, I guess. Life is short, too short to make your kids cry themselves to sleep, in my opinion.
2. I clean up, not all the time, but frequently, by throwing their toys away. Not the biggies, mostly, but crayons, barbie clothes, polly pockets, army guys - yeah, I get sick of picking them all up and every couple of days, I just throw a bunch out. This makes no appreciable difference in the amount of toys they have to play with (which, in and of itself, is probably an issue) and none of the kids have ever noticed. It's liberating - I recommend that everyone do it.
3. I'm not good at feeding them. Not always. If they don't tell me that they're hungry, I'll frequently forget about breakfast or lunch if we're all home. I try and get some food into them before they go to school, and generally make the connection when Julie starts melting down that I haven't actually given her breakfast yet... but I know I'm not good at it. Dinner - I'm good at dinner, and I always feed them before I feed myself - but I frequently skip meals or forget to eat when I'm busy, so they've learned to remind me to feed them.
4. I don't always make them go outside. I'm a lazy girl - and there are days, when it's really hot or really cold, or I've got a headache or everyone's crabby - when I don't make them go outside and run around. They don't sit in front of the television, I make them play independently, but every time I read studies saying that kids need hours of running around outside, I feel guilty.
5. I think waiting with all the other parents to pick up your kids at the end of the day feels just like trying to find a seat in the cafeteria in high school when all of your friends are in a different lunch period. It's my least favorite part of the day.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
It's like they know...
My kids are magic. I don't know how, or why, exactly. But somehow they manage to communicate telepathically on a level that I don't think they're capable of verbalizing yet. They never have temper tantrums at the same time. They never get sick at the same time. They never demand 100% of my attention at the same time. And when one of them is having a God awful horrific day, and I feel like the worst mother in the world (suffice to say that Kindergarten 2.0 isn't going any better than 1.0 went) - one of them will choose that day to go all day, for the very first time, with NO ACCIDENTS.
So I'm not going to blog right now about how Sam curled in a fetal position, shaking, and threw stuffed animals at me so I wouldn't force him to go to school. I'm not going to blog about how I cried all over the kindergarten teacher and sobbed thru a conversation with the school adjustment counselor. I'm not going to write about how much I hope tomorrow goes better, about the plan that involves two teachers and a principal lined up to coax and, if necessary, lug, his screaming self into the classroom. I'm not going to write about how I love this boy with my whole heart, and watching him go thru this is harder than anything I've ever had to do. I'm not going to think about that at all.
I'm going to brag about my brilliant and beautiful not even two and a half year old Julianna. Because today, for the very first time, she went all day, including a trip to Sam's doctor for his regularly scheduled physical (where his awesome pediatrician assured me that he's not crazy and I'm not a horrible mother, he's just an extremely introverted, stubborn and attached six year old boy who will learn that he's safe and secure when I'm not there, but won't learn it willingly, and we just have to love him thru it, and know that he's strong enough to do it - but I'm not blogging about that). I'm going to blog about a girl who refuses to drink out of a sippie cup because she's too big. And about Rebecca Rubin, who faithfully gets dragged into the bathroom to sit on the extra little girl potty next to Julie. And how she washes her hands afterwards (Julie, not Rebecca), and also insists on brushing her teeth as well - and I figure the more oral hygiene the better, right?
Because my kids are magic. My kids are awesome and amazing and they accomplish things that I never expect them too, like potty training a full year earlier than her older siblings. And tomorrow, my boy will go to school and he will be awesome. Because he is.
So I'm not going to blog right now about how Sam curled in a fetal position, shaking, and threw stuffed animals at me so I wouldn't force him to go to school. I'm not going to blog about how I cried all over the kindergarten teacher and sobbed thru a conversation with the school adjustment counselor. I'm not going to write about how much I hope tomorrow goes better, about the plan that involves two teachers and a principal lined up to coax and, if necessary, lug, his screaming self into the classroom. I'm not going to write about how I love this boy with my whole heart, and watching him go thru this is harder than anything I've ever had to do. I'm not going to think about that at all.
I'm going to brag about my brilliant and beautiful not even two and a half year old Julianna. Because today, for the very first time, she went all day, including a trip to Sam's doctor for his regularly scheduled physical (where his awesome pediatrician assured me that he's not crazy and I'm not a horrible mother, he's just an extremely introverted, stubborn and attached six year old boy who will learn that he's safe and secure when I'm not there, but won't learn it willingly, and we just have to love him thru it, and know that he's strong enough to do it - but I'm not blogging about that). I'm going to blog about a girl who refuses to drink out of a sippie cup because she's too big. And about Rebecca Rubin, who faithfully gets dragged into the bathroom to sit on the extra little girl potty next to Julie. And how she washes her hands afterwards (Julie, not Rebecca), and also insists on brushing her teeth as well - and I figure the more oral hygiene the better, right?
Because my kids are magic. My kids are awesome and amazing and they accomplish things that I never expect them too, like potty training a full year earlier than her older siblings. And tomorrow, my boy will go to school and he will be awesome. Because he is.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
How to raise a reader
I like to read. A lot. It's kind of my thing, Marc likes to work out, I like to curl up with a book. I'm the oldest of four (or six, depending on if you count stepsibs) and grew up with a fair amount of chaos. I can read in the middle of a hurricane. It's how I calm down, it's how I center myself. It's a little bit of peace in an otherwise busy, busy day. And while the list of things I wish for my kids is long, one of the top ones is that they be able to relax with a good book. Not only because I think it's fun, but because reading expands your mind, it makes you think, it teaches you empathy and compassion and makes everything easier.
To accomplish that, I've filled the house with books. It wasn't hard, I have a bunch to begin with, and have found that people are always delighted to pass along kids books once their own children have outgrown them. Marigold and Eagelfeather deliver books, they get them for Hanukkah and Christmas and Easter. We hit the library several times a month, and I make it a policy to always stop and read to them when they ask. We read before bed, we read to calm down after a temper tantrum. I generally remember to pack a book for them in my pocketbook along with my own.
But still... they didn't really seem to love reading. Not the way I did. I tried to be very zen about it - it's their life, after all. As Jessie is fond of pointing out, just because I like ponytails doesn't mean that she will. Just because reading is such a huge part of my life, doesn't mean that it will be a huge part of theirs. But I couldn't shake that desire for them to fall in love with books. I knew, I just knew, if I kept trying, if I kept exposing them to different genres, if I kept bringing home different authors - eventually, I'd hit one that would turn the key and make them fall in love with reading just like I did.
Then I read a book by Paul Kropp, called Raising a Reader, Make Your Child a Reader for Life. I realized what I was doing wrong - I was expecting them to pick up a book and read it on their own. It talks about making reading a social event. Which is the opposite of how I always looked at reading. For me, reading is an escape. It's solitary - but that's not what reading, historically, has always been. And the book addresses why, even though we, as a society, read like mad to our small children, as they grow older, so many of them stop reading for pleasure. We stop reading to them once they learn to read on their own. I know I'm completely guilty of that. I used to read to Jessica all the time. Then she learned to read, and I just assumed she'd read to herself. I did. But she didn't. She could read, but didn't choose to spend her leisure time doing it. Sam is just starting to read, but is also much more likely to want to watch Lego Ninjago than to ask me to read Duck on a Bike to him again.
So I got out my old, battered copy of Little Women and asked Sam if he wanted me to read Harry Potter to him. And promised each of them that I'd read a chapter a day, every day. No television, just you and me, alone with a book. A half hour, I estimated, for each child. An hour and a half a day - because Julie loves being read to as well. It's a big time commitment, and not at all easy to do. We work together to accomplish it, each kid knows to leave the other one alone when we're reading so that they get the same opportunity later. I've managed it more days than not, and the kids are LOVING it. I'm loving it. I would not have picked up Little Women to reread on my own - but there's a joy in rereading to my daughter, to see her relate to Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy the way that I did. Sam is obsessed with Harry Potter, begging any adult who will sit still long enough to read him just one more chapter. And it's working - I haven't gotten Sam into Little Women yet, but Jessie and Sam will both sit still and listen to Harry Potter (Jessie had already read the first four books with us several years ago) and Sam is more likely to sit now and listen when I read to Julie.
I'm not reading my own books as much, and I'm staying up a little later to get all the stuff done around the house, but my kids are in love with books. In love with the story, and experiencing growing up in Civil War era Concord and learning to fly on broomstick, and I couldn't be happier. And if it all costs me a couple of hours of sitting still, snuggling my kids for a while longer, is that really such a high price to pay?
Monday, September 3, 2012
Decisions...
Should I stay home or go to work? Julie is almost two and a half, and I'm pondering whether or not to investigate getting a job and putting her in preschool/daycare on a part time basis. Financially, I couldn't make enough (after nine years out of the full time work force and five years at home full time) to pay for full time childcare, plus after school care for the two older ones. So I'm looking just at mother's hours.
We could certainly use the extra money. But my baby is only two. And I don't know how I feel about missing out on this time with her.
Some of the factors that I'm considering are:
1 - I worked part time when Jessie was two until Sam was born when she was three and a half. I loved working, but hated leaving her, and seven years later, memories of dropping her off sobbing are still fresh in my mind. Julie is probably my last baby, which doesn't mean that I love her more, but it does mean that I won't have a two year old ever again. This is probably my last chance to stay home with a toddler.
2 - Sam was an absolute disaster at kindergarten because he had never been away from me. I don't think it would have been any easier for him any earlier, and probably would have been harder. That being said, his first experience with school was traumatic for him, and I would like for Julie's to be easier. Preschool will make that transition easier - but how much preschool? She's two - she's not starting full time kindergarten for another three years. I know I want at least one year of preschool, do I want two and a half?
3 - Julie is my most social outgoing child. Sam is certainly my most socially phobic child and Jessie was somewhere in the middle. Julie likes people, she likes playing, she forms bonds easily and would probably thrive. She's an early learner, already knows the alphabet and colors and numbers, plus she genuinely seems to enjoy hanging with other people.
4 - I worry about me. Selfishly, I know. But a big part of the way I define motherhood is incredibly hands on. I have a lot of friends and family around, but almost never leave my kids with them. My kids know and love their grandparents, on both sides, but rarely spend time with them without us there. They know and love our friends, but again, rarely without us there. What would that mean, for Julie to have so much of her time being spent without a parent? What would that mean for me, to have my toddler have so much of her day with other adults, especially adults that I don't know that well?
I think item four is really what I'm stuck on. It's such a change - and I worry about the impact. I know that millions of moms work, and love it. Working part time seems to be the accepted ideal - enough time to give the mom some space and identity outside of just being mama, but still have time home with the kids. But I always defined myself, for the past nine years, and certainly for the last six, as a stay at home mom. I loved it, I thought it was the best thing for my kids, and I haven't regretting a minute of it. Changing that is scary. I don't know what it'll look like, and it's so lovely, I worry about what it would like if it was different. Would it be as lovely to go to work as it is to snuggle my girl at home?
I haven't decided on anything yet. She's not even two and a half, and I'm coming up on the busiest time of year for me. Between Jewish holidays, American holidays and everything else, the next couple of months are crazy. Julie'll be three in the spring, and I know that I don't want to send the kids off to camp all summer, so realistically, I'm looking at next September. It doesn't make sense to wait until she turns three - and then have to pay for summer care for all three kids. So I think I'll table this discussion for a while, and revisit it next summer. I still might look at getting a job at nights or on the weekends though. If I could find one that would work out, schedule-wise, I'd love it. If I could find a good work at home job, I'd be all over that. But for right now, I think I'll hold off. For a while.
We could certainly use the extra money. But my baby is only two. And I don't know how I feel about missing out on this time with her.
Some of the factors that I'm considering are:
1 - I worked part time when Jessie was two until Sam was born when she was three and a half. I loved working, but hated leaving her, and seven years later, memories of dropping her off sobbing are still fresh in my mind. Julie is probably my last baby, which doesn't mean that I love her more, but it does mean that I won't have a two year old ever again. This is probably my last chance to stay home with a toddler.
2 - Sam was an absolute disaster at kindergarten because he had never been away from me. I don't think it would have been any easier for him any earlier, and probably would have been harder. That being said, his first experience with school was traumatic for him, and I would like for Julie's to be easier. Preschool will make that transition easier - but how much preschool? She's two - she's not starting full time kindergarten for another three years. I know I want at least one year of preschool, do I want two and a half?
3 - Julie is my most social outgoing child. Sam is certainly my most socially phobic child and Jessie was somewhere in the middle. Julie likes people, she likes playing, she forms bonds easily and would probably thrive. She's an early learner, already knows the alphabet and colors and numbers, plus she genuinely seems to enjoy hanging with other people.
4 - I worry about me. Selfishly, I know. But a big part of the way I define motherhood is incredibly hands on. I have a lot of friends and family around, but almost never leave my kids with them. My kids know and love their grandparents, on both sides, but rarely spend time with them without us there. They know and love our friends, but again, rarely without us there. What would that mean, for Julie to have so much of her time being spent without a parent? What would that mean for me, to have my toddler have so much of her day with other adults, especially adults that I don't know that well?
I think item four is really what I'm stuck on. It's such a change - and I worry about the impact. I know that millions of moms work, and love it. Working part time seems to be the accepted ideal - enough time to give the mom some space and identity outside of just being mama, but still have time home with the kids. But I always defined myself, for the past nine years, and certainly for the last six, as a stay at home mom. I loved it, I thought it was the best thing for my kids, and I haven't regretting a minute of it. Changing that is scary. I don't know what it'll look like, and it's so lovely, I worry about what it would like if it was different. Would it be as lovely to go to work as it is to snuggle my girl at home?
I haven't decided on anything yet. She's not even two and a half, and I'm coming up on the busiest time of year for me. Between Jewish holidays, American holidays and everything else, the next couple of months are crazy. Julie'll be three in the spring, and I know that I don't want to send the kids off to camp all summer, so realistically, I'm looking at next September. It doesn't make sense to wait until she turns three - and then have to pay for summer care for all three kids. So I think I'll table this discussion for a while, and revisit it next summer. I still might look at getting a job at nights or on the weekends though. If I could find one that would work out, schedule-wise, I'd love it. If I could find a good work at home job, I'd be all over that. But for right now, I think I'll hold off. For a while.
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