Or is it just me? I'm constantly questioning just about everything.
Case in point - Jessica Mary. She's seven and a half, going into second grade. Very bright, very thoughtful and growing more and more independent. She went to Maine earlier this summer with my mother and sister for three days without me, and I agonized over it. Was she old enough to go that long without me? Would she be homesick and lonely? Could I go that long without her little face? But I did it - and she had the time of her life, loved every single second of it and only came home reluctantly when the entire family left, asked to stay for the extra two days after I was leaving.
Then we decided to go to Storyland in NH last weekend. My friend Annie (mother of everyone's best friend Glennys) has a house up there, and was going up on Thursday. She invited Jess to go - and Jessie jumped at the chance. Going up three days early, and staying two days after we left. Again - happy as a clam, loving life, getting a little extra vacation before school starts, long lazy days playing with her best friend...
But I'm at home, missing her like I lost my left hand. And wondering if she feels pushed aside and unloved, like I'm paying too much attention to Julianna and now she doesn't want to be at home anymore. Like she's thinking that I've got a new baby daughter and there's no need for her to stay with me. Which is rationally crazy - she's just getting bigger. More independent - and that's what I want. I want her bold and brave, and confident. But I can't just relax and enjoy this new-found growth - I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong as her mother, somehow pushing her out of the nest before she's ready. Then I try and mentally get a hold of myself - after all, she's not going off to Uganda - she's spending time with my sister and mother, and with my best friend. She's well cared for, with people she's known for years. She's happy and content, and it's because she's so secure and confident that she's able to feel safe and loved with a variety of people.
All I know is that I'm sleeping a LOT better tonight with my little girl back under my roof.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Julianna Ruth at four months
Not that she's there yet - but she's getting so big and so beautiful - and has already grown up so fast. I love this age - I know I say that about all ages, but four months is just super fun. She's smiling all the time, loves nothing more than to be plopped down in her purple bouncy seat in the middle of the kids playing. She kicks and chews on her little pig teether or her rings. She's bigger than my other two at this point - it's like she's so eager to get big enough to play with them that she's growing faster than they did :-). She's pushing up on her hands when I lay her down on her belly and loves to stand up on my lap. I keep wanting to beg her to slow down, just a little, let me enjoy having a tiny infant a little longer before she hurtles herself into babyhood.
She's watching us more and more when we're eating, getting more and more interested in food. I haven't fed her anything yet, but can see it happening sooner rather than later. She's still nursing every hour, or hour and a half during the day, and sleeps thru the night from about nine or nine thirty until five or six in the morning. Napping is still hit or miss, sometimes she's great at it, and sometimes she'll only sleep when she's at the breast.
She loves her daddy - and again, much earlier than the other two. Jess didn't pay much attention to Marc until she was a toddler, and I distinctly remember Sam falling in love with Marc at about six or seven months. But Julie spends her mornings with her daddy, I stagger out of bed, drop her onto his lap and then sit with coffee for a while, and every night, she falls asleep when he rocks her to bed. She loves her big sisters and her brother, smiles when they come near.
She's such a perfect addition to the family - I can't imagine us without her.
She's watching us more and more when we're eating, getting more and more interested in food. I haven't fed her anything yet, but can see it happening sooner rather than later. She's still nursing every hour, or hour and a half during the day, and sleeps thru the night from about nine or nine thirty until five or six in the morning. Napping is still hit or miss, sometimes she's great at it, and sometimes she'll only sleep when she's at the breast.
She loves her daddy - and again, much earlier than the other two. Jess didn't pay much attention to Marc until she was a toddler, and I distinctly remember Sam falling in love with Marc at about six or seven months. But Julie spends her mornings with her daddy, I stagger out of bed, drop her onto his lap and then sit with coffee for a while, and every night, she falls asleep when he rocks her to bed. She loves her big sisters and her brother, smiles when they come near.
She's such a perfect addition to the family - I can't imagine us without her.
Catching up...
My last post, I think, was just before Marc took the girls on the annual Father/Daughter camping trip. My computer was attacked by an odd virus, and I couldn't connect to the internet at all... and I've got so much to say :-)
- The camping trip went great, from what I understand. This year, Marc went with our oldest three, plus Arlen and Jordyn, and John and Glennys. The kids had a blast, the guys all had fun too - I love this tradition :-). Because it's not just a Father/Kid camping trip - whichever sex isn't going gets to stay home with me and get some quality alone time as well. Sam and I went out for a long walk, with Julianna asleep in the carriage, and then out for chinese food.
- We got the kitty neutered - Franklin is doing great. He's still kind of an outdoor/indoor cat - I'd rather he be inside all the time, but where he's so used to being outside, I don't want to imprison him, so if he's determined to let him out, I let him outside. He doesn't go anywhere, he mostly just stays in the yard. He's a little bit of an attention slut - in that he'll snuggle up to anyone who appears mildly interested. And even if you don't appear all that interested. But on the upside, he's super friendly and eager to be loved, and that's what counts. The kids are getting MUCH better with him - initially,they were both terrified of him, but they're gradually softening and relaxing around him.
- I let Jessica go to the store. By herself. For the first time ever. And I was TERRIFIED. We live about a five minute walk from Honey Farms, and it's straight road. We've been practicing all summer, with her walking on the opposite side of the street, and farther and farther ahead of me. She's very careful and responsible, always looking both ways. And one day last week, I was brave and bold and just let her go. I gave her phone and let her go to the store all by herself. She was SO proud of herself. This was a major milestone for both of us.
- Julianna is so enormously big. She's fitting into twelve months clothes already - way bigger than my other two babies were. Both Jess and Sam fit into exactly what they were supposed to, when they were two months, they wore 0-3 months, when they were four months, it was 3-6 months clothes. And they both did that all the way thru that first year. But Julie is growing so fast - she'll be four months on the 29th, and I'm constantly amazed at how big she's gotten. She's holding her head up all the time now, and loves to stand up on my lap. Nursing is seamless now - and she's sleeping mostly thru the night.
- Samilicious is so excited about starting preschool and I'm so wistful about my big boy. It's so soon, I think, and I'm not ready to let him go off into the world yet.
- The camping trip went great, from what I understand. This year, Marc went with our oldest three, plus Arlen and Jordyn, and John and Glennys. The kids had a blast, the guys all had fun too - I love this tradition :-). Because it's not just a Father/Kid camping trip - whichever sex isn't going gets to stay home with me and get some quality alone time as well. Sam and I went out for a long walk, with Julianna asleep in the carriage, and then out for chinese food.
- We got the kitty neutered - Franklin is doing great. He's still kind of an outdoor/indoor cat - I'd rather he be inside all the time, but where he's so used to being outside, I don't want to imprison him, so if he's determined to let him out, I let him outside. He doesn't go anywhere, he mostly just stays in the yard. He's a little bit of an attention slut - in that he'll snuggle up to anyone who appears mildly interested. And even if you don't appear all that interested. But on the upside, he's super friendly and eager to be loved, and that's what counts. The kids are getting MUCH better with him - initially,they were both terrified of him, but they're gradually softening and relaxing around him.
- I let Jessica go to the store. By herself. For the first time ever. And I was TERRIFIED. We live about a five minute walk from Honey Farms, and it's straight road. We've been practicing all summer, with her walking on the opposite side of the street, and farther and farther ahead of me. She's very careful and responsible, always looking both ways. And one day last week, I was brave and bold and just let her go. I gave her phone and let her go to the store all by herself. She was SO proud of herself. This was a major milestone for both of us.
- Julianna is so enormously big. She's fitting into twelve months clothes already - way bigger than my other two babies were. Both Jess and Sam fit into exactly what they were supposed to, when they were two months, they wore 0-3 months, when they were four months, it was 3-6 months clothes. And they both did that all the way thru that first year. But Julie is growing so fast - she'll be four months on the 29th, and I'm constantly amazed at how big she's gotten. She's holding her head up all the time now, and loves to stand up on my lap. Nursing is seamless now - and she's sleeping mostly thru the night.
- Samilicious is so excited about starting preschool and I'm so wistful about my big boy. It's so soon, I think, and I'm not ready to let him go off into the world yet.
Monday, August 23, 2010
I'm back, I'm back, I'm back...
and ridiculously pleased about being able to post - I've got so much to write about! But it's bedtime for my cherubs, Julie is sucking on my arm as I type - so it'll have to wait until tomorrow...
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Growth spurt? Teething?
I don't know - I just know that all day, Julianna has only slept while she's in my arms nursing. Normally she takes one serious nap for a couple of hours, sometimes two - and today, she's only napped sporadically. She dozes off nursing, and then jolts awake when I lay her down. It's five forty seven now, and my arms ache from holding her all day, and I'm exhausted because she was up most of the night. I've had four cups of coffee, trying to stay awake, and could go to bed right now and sleep all night. In fact, I think I'm going to go try and catch a little sleep before Marc gets here. Thank goodness for co-sleeping, because I know it would be a million times worse if I had to keep getting her up out of the crib to feed her, but she was really restless all night, so I didn't sleep all that well to begin with, and then a full day of no napping - I'm totally wiped out.
Oops - she just woke up. Again. No nap for Mama.
Oops - she just woke up. Again. No nap for Mama.
Monday, August 9, 2010
End of summer...
I feel like it's winding down... now that I can see, just by glancing at the calendar how much time I have left before school starts. I've got another week with Harrison, another two and a half weeks with Jordyn. Then my babies, the two children I started watching when they were babies are going off to preschool. I'll still have Harrison two days a week, and probably Jordyn will still pop over periodically, but a period in my life is ending, in a real sense at the end of this month. In September, I'll start having to ferry the kids to after school activities, and constantly be doing something.
Mondays and Wednesdays - I'll drop Jess off at school at eight twenty, and then drop Marc off at work. Then I'll drop Sam off at preschool at noontime. Pick up Jess, Sarah, Lilli at Flagg Street at two thirty, pick up Sam at his school at ten of three, drop the three girls at Hebrew school at four, pick up Marc at six and back to get the girls by six fifteen. Tuesdays and Thursdays will sort of be my off days - Sam will be home here with Harrison, and Lisa said that she'll take care of getting Jess to dance on Thursdays. Fridays, I'll be repeating the M/W routine, with the only difference being that I'll probably pick Marc up before getting the kids from school and have all five of them home here for Shabbat dinner Friday night.
I hope Julie learns to like the car seat more than she does right now.
In other news... I have been adopted by a cat. He followed us home from Elm Park Community School on Saturday night, was lonely and crying and seemed to be very hungry. So I gave him a turkey burger and some water, but he stayed outside all night crying to come in. My downstairs neighbor gave me a litter box and some cat food so we let him inside, and he's moved right in.
We haven't officially named him - because he might still have an owner out there somewhere. I put up signs everywhere yesterday, posted ads all over the internet. And Harrison's Mom, Joy, is really allergic to some cats, and it might push her over the edge. And if it comes down to choosing between having Harrison or the cat, I'd have to get rid of the cat. But I'm really hoping I don't have to - I'm really, really liking him. My kids have never had a pet, and I've had a nagging feeling of guilt about it forever. And this kitty is adorable, super friendly, very affectionate. He likes to curl up against me while I nurse the baby :-)
Jessie is officially washing her own laundry these days. She threw in her first unsupervised load today - and is very proud of herself. I'm also proud - she's the youngest girl in our group - Lilli, Sarah, and Glennys are all older, and the first to assume responsibility of washing her own clothes. At this point, she's only washing it - she's not tall enough to reach into the machine to scoop the clothes out, so I'm still drying and folding - but we'll get there. Very proud of my big girl...
Mondays and Wednesdays - I'll drop Jess off at school at eight twenty, and then drop Marc off at work. Then I'll drop Sam off at preschool at noontime. Pick up Jess, Sarah, Lilli at Flagg Street at two thirty, pick up Sam at his school at ten of three, drop the three girls at Hebrew school at four, pick up Marc at six and back to get the girls by six fifteen. Tuesdays and Thursdays will sort of be my off days - Sam will be home here with Harrison, and Lisa said that she'll take care of getting Jess to dance on Thursdays. Fridays, I'll be repeating the M/W routine, with the only difference being that I'll probably pick Marc up before getting the kids from school and have all five of them home here for Shabbat dinner Friday night.
I hope Julie learns to like the car seat more than she does right now.
In other news... I have been adopted by a cat. He followed us home from Elm Park Community School on Saturday night, was lonely and crying and seemed to be very hungry. So I gave him a turkey burger and some water, but he stayed outside all night crying to come in. My downstairs neighbor gave me a litter box and some cat food so we let him inside, and he's moved right in.
We haven't officially named him - because he might still have an owner out there somewhere. I put up signs everywhere yesterday, posted ads all over the internet. And Harrison's Mom, Joy, is really allergic to some cats, and it might push her over the edge. And if it comes down to choosing between having Harrison or the cat, I'd have to get rid of the cat. But I'm really hoping I don't have to - I'm really, really liking him. My kids have never had a pet, and I've had a nagging feeling of guilt about it forever. And this kitty is adorable, super friendly, very affectionate. He likes to curl up against me while I nurse the baby :-)
Jessie is officially washing her own laundry these days. She threw in her first unsupervised load today - and is very proud of herself. I'm also proud - she's the youngest girl in our group - Lilli, Sarah, and Glennys are all older, and the first to assume responsibility of washing her own clothes. At this point, she's only washing it - she's not tall enough to reach into the machine to scoop the clothes out, so I'm still drying and folding - but we'll get there. Very proud of my big girl...
Friday, August 6, 2010
If I could just slow it down, just a little
Jessica is huge, all long legs, big eyes and pretty hair. Suddenly, I've got a little tweener on my hands, she's obsessed with making sure that she showers daily, goes thru three or four different hairstyles and outfits a day and has recently redone her room so that it looks "grown up." She's even singing Selena Gomez songs. When did she stop singing the Dora song? We packed up stuffed animals and baby dolls, keeping only one lone cradle for Rebecca Rubin (or as I think of her Webecca Wubin, because that's what Sam calls her). She's got little dustcatchers all over the place, is suddenly reading on her own, and is just so grown up so fast. I don't know when it happened, but I still can't stop seeing a baby when I look at her.
Sam is also suddenly much bigger. Literally, he was always a few inches shorter than his buddy Jordyn, but today I realized that they were the same height. He's into taking pictures, and working out with Daddy. They're going camping this weekend, just the boys, and it was only last year that he was too little to go. He's off to school in a month, and I'm dreading it like you wouldn't believe. Bad enough I had to send Jessie, but now I have to ship my tiny boy off to school? If he wasn't so absolutely thrilled about it, I'd keep him home in a heartbeat.
And my Julie - my little tiny baby girl - she's almost too big for the lay down part of my pram. I've got one of those old fashioned carriages, and it's got two parts, the infant bed and then the bigger kid part with the seat. And she's got another four or five inches before she's too big to fit in the bed. She's given up the pacifier completely and is chewing her fists and loving her baby doll and little teether toys. She's cooing and loving her big brother and sister - I can set her down in her bouncy seat in Jessie's room and she's perfectly content to watch Jess flutter around the room singing. My baby is growing up.
All my babies are growing up - and I know this is the goal, I know that it's inevitable, I even, when I'm logical, want this. But just now, just today - all I can think is that it's too fast, it's too much. I need more time, more time when Jessie's problems are all solved by a hug and some attention, when Sam still thinks that Marc and I are infallable, and when Julie is still my teeny tiny baby.
Sam is also suddenly much bigger. Literally, he was always a few inches shorter than his buddy Jordyn, but today I realized that they were the same height. He's into taking pictures, and working out with Daddy. They're going camping this weekend, just the boys, and it was only last year that he was too little to go. He's off to school in a month, and I'm dreading it like you wouldn't believe. Bad enough I had to send Jessie, but now I have to ship my tiny boy off to school? If he wasn't so absolutely thrilled about it, I'd keep him home in a heartbeat.
And my Julie - my little tiny baby girl - she's almost too big for the lay down part of my pram. I've got one of those old fashioned carriages, and it's got two parts, the infant bed and then the bigger kid part with the seat. And she's got another four or five inches before she's too big to fit in the bed. She's given up the pacifier completely and is chewing her fists and loving her baby doll and little teether toys. She's cooing and loving her big brother and sister - I can set her down in her bouncy seat in Jessie's room and she's perfectly content to watch Jess flutter around the room singing. My baby is growing up.
All my babies are growing up - and I know this is the goal, I know that it's inevitable, I even, when I'm logical, want this. But just now, just today - all I can think is that it's too fast, it's too much. I need more time, more time when Jessie's problems are all solved by a hug and some attention, when Sam still thinks that Marc and I are infallable, and when Julie is still my teeny tiny baby.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)