Is it reasonable to expect a husband with a stay at home wife to share in domestic responsibilities? Does being a stay at home mom always mean total assumption of the house cleaning? Am I a slacker, does looking for an equal partner in doing the dishes and folding laundry and vacuuming mean that I'm not doing my share? I'm home all day, after all. I work here. And while I babysit during the day, it's not like I'm not already engaged in caring for my children, so it increases the work, but not so dramatically that I can really claim as though it's not possible to clean as well as take care of the kids.
I don't know if I'm being unfair or not. Possibly I am. Marc works hard all week long. He drives Jess to and from school and is at work from 9-6, Monday thru Friday. And at the gym for two or three hours, two or three times a week. That's a whole lot of time when he's just physically not here. And since I am... I do the vast majority of the cleaning. And the childcare. It's essentially my thing... occasionally, he helps me out, but the way it feels, it's my job and he's helping me by doing anything.
I'm feeling rather... overworked and frustrated at the moment... but really don't have time to blog any more about it, because while I've done two loads of laundry, cleaned Jessie's room, vacuumed, put away all the toys, rearranged the bookshelf, made the beds, vacuumed the living room, swept and mopped the kitchen and dining room floor and started the dishes, I still have to finish the dishes in the sink, clean off the dining room table, put away the dishes I've already done, wash the rest of them, wash the dining room table, vacuum the floor, fold the laundry and take a shower. All while watching Sam and Glennys - and somewhere in there, I have to cram in a shower.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
I'm back :-)
Sunshiney happy once again. And all it took was a nice warm day, a morning when Jessie was happy about going to school, and a highly successful trip to the library. I'm feeling a lot more like myself, my hair is in a ridiculously high ponytail (always a good way to tell how cheerful I am), I took out a million new books that make me smile, and life is good once again.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Thursdays...
Basically, I let her cry in her room for about 45 minutes (and she screamed and cried the whole time) and after I had cleaned the entire house, I went in and helped her get ready for bed. She was flipping out about a whole bunch of stuff, but mainly she had wanted to go for a walk to Elm Park, and it was way too far and way too late to be attempting a walk that long when she couldn't stop sobbing long enough to explain why she wanted to go. So she was asleep by eight o'clock.
Marc played with Sam for a while, and then Sam came to nurse to sleep. He's never going to stop nursing. I keep trying, I have refused to nurse him since he got up this morning - I'm really going to try and limit him just to falling asleep, and once I get him weaned off during the day, I'm going to work towards getting him to just snuggle to sleep. I do this with no real hope that it'll work, I think I'm setting myself up for failure, because I don't think he'll stop until he's fifteen. But I'm really tired of it. At least I am this morning. Clearly, I need more coffee.
Kids are healthy and happy (the previous night's events notwithstanding) and Marc is clipping along nicely. Not a lot of romance and hearts and flowers these days, but we function really well as a cohesive team, and sometimes, that's just as good. Relationships, my relationship, specifically, goes in cycles. We're in a teamwork cycle now.
I've been kind of off, lately. Not depressed, because there's nothing really bothering me, but I don't feel as sunshiney happy as I normally do. There's nothing concrete bugging me, I'm just not thrilled with everything. I wish Jess would start to enjoy school and stop crying about it all the time, especially because she's really got no problems there. She's doing well, has friends, is doing great academically, but she complains all the time about it. I wish Sam would stop throwing things (it's his newest obsession - he screams "blastoff" and throws whatever he happens to be holding across the room) and try as I might, I can't break him of the habit. I wish he'd stop nursing on his own, or at least let me stop nursing him without the tears and misery that I fear I'm in for. I wish Marc would come home and be all happy to see me, as opposed to just... existing and hanging out on the computer.
Maybe I just need some chocolate? Only that brings up a whole other issue, which is that suddenly, now that I'm 35, my metabolism is not working any more and I'm suddenly chubby. My clothes don't fit any more, which makes me sad, which makes me reach for the chocolate, which... see? It's not going well in my world.
Okay - let's review (with a positive spin, because I'm starting to depress the hell out of myself).
1. Jessica is beautiful and bright, doing exceptionally well in school. No hint of any behavior issues, she's an angel the entire time she's there, and I know that she's doing well socially. Her hair is growing nice and long, and she's debating cutting it short like Anne in Anne of Green Gables. She's reading more and more, and we're switching her to a new school next fall, where hopefully, she'll feel more challenged and excited about going. But when I think about the problems that we COULD be having with her, really, I'm so lucky.
2. Sam is really starting to come out of his shell. He's talking more and more to people, carrying on involved conversations. He's so funny and getting so big. And the nursing - you know what? Nursing until your child is almost three years old is a hell of an achievement. That takes time, love, dedication and I'm proud of myself for going this far. And he's a GOOD kid, he's engaging, fun, and I'm really, really proud of the boy he's becoming.
3. Marc loves me. I never doubt that. And he comes home every night, you know, when he's not at the gym, and I never, never doubt that his first priority is always us. Hearts and flowers are lovely, but steadfastness, loyalty, and a sense of having a partner for it all are more important.
4. I'm really, really healthy. No health problems, and I'm probably just all hormonal.
Okay - I'm feeling better. This time, really. I'm smiling and I've got a bright, beautiful day ahead of me. I can decide to be miserable or happy (isn't that what I'm always coaching Jess??) and I'm choosing sunshiney delight over misery or status quo. I'm a happy girl. Dammit. And life is pretty good for me. I just need to remember that sometimes.
Marc played with Sam for a while, and then Sam came to nurse to sleep. He's never going to stop nursing. I keep trying, I have refused to nurse him since he got up this morning - I'm really going to try and limit him just to falling asleep, and once I get him weaned off during the day, I'm going to work towards getting him to just snuggle to sleep. I do this with no real hope that it'll work, I think I'm setting myself up for failure, because I don't think he'll stop until he's fifteen. But I'm really tired of it. At least I am this morning. Clearly, I need more coffee.
Kids are healthy and happy (the previous night's events notwithstanding) and Marc is clipping along nicely. Not a lot of romance and hearts and flowers these days, but we function really well as a cohesive team, and sometimes, that's just as good. Relationships, my relationship, specifically, goes in cycles. We're in a teamwork cycle now.
I've been kind of off, lately. Not depressed, because there's nothing really bothering me, but I don't feel as sunshiney happy as I normally do. There's nothing concrete bugging me, I'm just not thrilled with everything. I wish Jess would start to enjoy school and stop crying about it all the time, especially because she's really got no problems there. She's doing well, has friends, is doing great academically, but she complains all the time about it. I wish Sam would stop throwing things (it's his newest obsession - he screams "blastoff" and throws whatever he happens to be holding across the room) and try as I might, I can't break him of the habit. I wish he'd stop nursing on his own, or at least let me stop nursing him without the tears and misery that I fear I'm in for. I wish Marc would come home and be all happy to see me, as opposed to just... existing and hanging out on the computer.
Maybe I just need some chocolate? Only that brings up a whole other issue, which is that suddenly, now that I'm 35, my metabolism is not working any more and I'm suddenly chubby. My clothes don't fit any more, which makes me sad, which makes me reach for the chocolate, which... see? It's not going well in my world.
Okay - let's review (with a positive spin, because I'm starting to depress the hell out of myself).
1. Jessica is beautiful and bright, doing exceptionally well in school. No hint of any behavior issues, she's an angel the entire time she's there, and I know that she's doing well socially. Her hair is growing nice and long, and she's debating cutting it short like Anne in Anne of Green Gables. She's reading more and more, and we're switching her to a new school next fall, where hopefully, she'll feel more challenged and excited about going. But when I think about the problems that we COULD be having with her, really, I'm so lucky.
2. Sam is really starting to come out of his shell. He's talking more and more to people, carrying on involved conversations. He's so funny and getting so big. And the nursing - you know what? Nursing until your child is almost three years old is a hell of an achievement. That takes time, love, dedication and I'm proud of myself for going this far. And he's a GOOD kid, he's engaging, fun, and I'm really, really proud of the boy he's becoming.
3. Marc loves me. I never doubt that. And he comes home every night, you know, when he's not at the gym, and I never, never doubt that his first priority is always us. Hearts and flowers are lovely, but steadfastness, loyalty, and a sense of having a partner for it all are more important.
4. I'm really, really healthy. No health problems, and I'm probably just all hormonal.
Okay - I'm feeling better. This time, really. I'm smiling and I've got a bright, beautiful day ahead of me. I can decide to be miserable or happy (isn't that what I'm always coaching Jess??) and I'm choosing sunshiney delight over misery or status quo. I'm a happy girl. Dammit. And life is pretty good for me. I just need to remember that sometimes.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Kids don't come with manuals
But, oh, how I wish they did. Jess is in her in bedroom, sobbing her eyes out, and I'm not sure what to do next. Marc is all for leaving her in there until tomorrow morning, but I don't want her to go to sleep like this. Basically, she's been a walking temper tantrum since she walked thru the door, and finally, I just gave up and sent her into her room to cry it out. And cry it out she has, and out and out and out.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Homeschooling
And why I'm still agonizing over it.
Jess is a bright kid, and according to her teacher, is thriving at school. Learning fast, making huge progress, gets along well with others, etc. But every single morning, she begs to stay home. She really, really doesn't like going. If she was an adult, and this was her job, I'd actively encourage her to quit because I've always thought that there's nothing worse than getting up every morning to go to a job you hate. So why am I continuing to send her to kindergarten?
Pros - she's somewhat shy, I think, and needs the social skills that she learns at school. She's frequently frustrated by the other kids, and trying to navigate the schoolyard politics. This one wants to be her only friend, and that one wants her to play with her and not with the other ones. When she complains (and she does), it's never that nobody likes her, it's always that so many people like her and she doesn't like being that popular. I have to have the only girl in America who actively thinks she's too popular. I want her to have playdates and birthday party invites, and fun memories of playing with her friends. School isn't just about reading and math, it's also about learning to get along with others, and that's a skill that she'll really need going forward. I also think that teachers go to school to learn about teaching, and are much better equipped to teach then I, armed with a couple of workbooks, and a bunch of toddlers, could be.
Cons - she still really, really doesn't like it. She just doesn't. It's never something she looks forward to, and at best, it's something she tolerates because I make her. Every morning, it's a struggle to get her dressed and out the door. She's advanced well beyond what they are doing - she's still bringing home worksheets where she's just forming letters, a whole paper filled with 'b'. And she's reading at home. I could focus on her here at home and easily teach her more than what she's getting at school, because she could go as fast as she wanted to here, and not have to keep repeating things for the rest of the class. Plus - to reiterate - she really doesn't like going.
So - what to do??? I'm the only person who thinks that homeschooling is a good idea. Everyone I know thinks that I should shove her out the door to go to school, because that's what you do. And I'm still marginally torn on the issue - because I want her to be "normal" and have friends and swing on the swing, and make bestest friends. I really think, even if I do nothing with her at home, that she'd be ready for first grade right now. So anything I do at home with her will be a perk, and she'd be so much happier. I don't know if she's just saying she doesn't like school because it's part of a power struggle (which is my mother's theory - and backed up by the teacher, who keeps saying that Jess is doing wonderfully, no problems at all) or if she's legitimately unhappy there, and by continuing to send her, I'm just ignoring her.
Jess is a bright kid, and according to her teacher, is thriving at school. Learning fast, making huge progress, gets along well with others, etc. But every single morning, she begs to stay home. She really, really doesn't like going. If she was an adult, and this was her job, I'd actively encourage her to quit because I've always thought that there's nothing worse than getting up every morning to go to a job you hate. So why am I continuing to send her to kindergarten?
Pros - she's somewhat shy, I think, and needs the social skills that she learns at school. She's frequently frustrated by the other kids, and trying to navigate the schoolyard politics. This one wants to be her only friend, and that one wants her to play with her and not with the other ones. When she complains (and she does), it's never that nobody likes her, it's always that so many people like her and she doesn't like being that popular. I have to have the only girl in America who actively thinks she's too popular. I want her to have playdates and birthday party invites, and fun memories of playing with her friends. School isn't just about reading and math, it's also about learning to get along with others, and that's a skill that she'll really need going forward. I also think that teachers go to school to learn about teaching, and are much better equipped to teach then I, armed with a couple of workbooks, and a bunch of toddlers, could be.
Cons - she still really, really doesn't like it. She just doesn't. It's never something she looks forward to, and at best, it's something she tolerates because I make her. Every morning, it's a struggle to get her dressed and out the door. She's advanced well beyond what they are doing - she's still bringing home worksheets where she's just forming letters, a whole paper filled with 'b'. And she's reading at home. I could focus on her here at home and easily teach her more than what she's getting at school, because she could go as fast as she wanted to here, and not have to keep repeating things for the rest of the class. Plus - to reiterate - she really doesn't like going.
So - what to do??? I'm the only person who thinks that homeschooling is a good idea. Everyone I know thinks that I should shove her out the door to go to school, because that's what you do. And I'm still marginally torn on the issue - because I want her to be "normal" and have friends and swing on the swing, and make bestest friends. I really think, even if I do nothing with her at home, that she'd be ready for first grade right now. So anything I do at home with her will be a perk, and she'd be so much happier. I don't know if she's just saying she doesn't like school because it's part of a power struggle (which is my mother's theory - and backed up by the teacher, who keeps saying that Jess is doing wonderfully, no problems at all) or if she's legitimately unhappy there, and by continuing to send her, I'm just ignoring her.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sign of a bad mother???
I let my daughter stay home today, not because she was sick, but because I was. I've got a killer headache, have for two days now. Normally, the alarm goes off at six thirty, Marc gets up, makes the coffee and brings me in a cup when it's ready around seven. But, unbeknownst to me, Jess had been coughing and sounding miserable in her sleep, and since we had discussed her coming down with something and possibly staying home today the night before, made the executive decision to let her stay home and have both of us sleep in. Which was lovely and kind and sweet, but when I got up at almost seven thirty because Jess was laying in my bed, stomping her foot on the bed and yelling that she was BORED (which is one of my pet peeves - I hate kids claiming they're bored), I was livid. Overtired (because really, the last time I slept really, really well was almost seven years ago, with a major headache, and when I asked why, oh why did he not get me up in time to get started getting her dressed and lunch packed and hair done, he said IN FRONT OF HER that he thought I didn't want to send her today.
Since getting Jess out the door on a day when I'm 100% is a struggle most days, and on a day when she thinks that Daddy would let her stay home and Mommy won't is utter and complete hell, I gave up, and told her that she could stay home today. So now I've got a perfectly healthy six year old here, tormenting her brother and making a mess in my house. Which is a crappy way of looking at it, but my head really hurts. She's not so much making a mess, it's more that the house is a disaster after the weekend, and I've been cleaning for hours already.
Since getting Jess out the door on a day when I'm 100% is a struggle most days, and on a day when she thinks that Daddy would let her stay home and Mommy won't is utter and complete hell, I gave up, and told her that she could stay home today. So now I've got a perfectly healthy six year old here, tormenting her brother and making a mess in my house. Which is a crappy way of looking at it, but my head really hurts. She's not so much making a mess, it's more that the house is a disaster after the weekend, and I've been cleaning for hours already.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
For all my talk, I'm not much better at saying no
When I don't want to do something. Within certain parameters. If my mother asks me. Or my favorite cousin. Then I grudgingly say yes, if it's something I'd REALLY rather not do, and don't do it gracefully. I wish this was different about me. I wish that I was a nicer person, and when I did say yes to things that I didn't want to do, I would be able to smile and just do it to the best of my ability. But no, I'm grumpy and negative and hostile.
Plus I'm overtired and hormonal and really not happy with anyone today. Not my washing machine (which is currently spinning off balance and making WAY too much noise), not my siblings (who say no with wild and reckless abandon, and got to spend a beautiful Saturday hanging out with the their kids), not the American Cancer Society for thinking up the Relay in the first place, and last but certainly not least, I'm not all that happy with myself. Because if I committ to doing something, even if it's something that I don't want to do and don't feel as though I had the option to refuse, I should at least do it gracefully and well.
Let's hope for a better day tomorrow.
Plus I'm overtired and hormonal and really not happy with anyone today. Not my washing machine (which is currently spinning off balance and making WAY too much noise), not my siblings (who say no with wild and reckless abandon, and got to spend a beautiful Saturday hanging out with the their kids), not the American Cancer Society for thinking up the Relay in the first place, and last but certainly not least, I'm not all that happy with myself. Because if I committ to doing something, even if it's something that I don't want to do and don't feel as though I had the option to refuse, I should at least do it gracefully and well.
Let's hope for a better day tomorrow.
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